Urgh, don't you just hate it when things are going well and then
something comes along and throws a spanner in the works? How about being
a Seasonal Affective Disorder sufferer and living in Britain where the
'summer' weather is crap?
I am usually on
anti-depressants from September to April and the effects lessen as April
goes on. This year however, I have stopped taking them as per usual (in
April) but am still really struggling. Waking up in the morning is nigh
on impossible and I have to really force myself out of bed and
exercising. Exercise has been proven to help alleviate the symptoms due
to causing the release of endorphins and serotonin. But how do you get
down to exercising when you really don't feel like it?
This is what has worked for me:
1.
Set goals. This can be anything from dropping a dress size, losing half
a stone or finishing a phase of your workout. I have several goals: The
first was to finish the first week of P90X, then to finish the second,
then to finish the whole of phase 1. Then I have set the same goals but
for the second phase. My other goal is to be at my target-weight by May
of next year in time for my cousin's wedding. I also have a workout tips
jar. Every time that I do a workout, I put a £ into the jar and
everytime that I lose a lb in weight, a £ goes into the jar. The money
will be saved so that I can treat myself to a dress for aforementioned
wedding.
2. Get visual motivation. Take a look on
google and find fitness websites. Take a look at pictures of people at
the peak of fitness that you want to achieve. Read their stories. Go on
forums and post for tips and support. Print out the photos that you find
most inspiring and create a motivation board. Is there a sport that you
have always wanted to try? A yoga position that you want to be able to
do? Stick that on the board as well.
3. Get wised up
on the benefits of exercise and good diet. It is scary when you read the
truth about food, such as carbs being portrayed as the basis of a
balanced diet even though they are chock-full of refined, white flour,
hormones, sugar and gluten. Food companies are only interested in
producing food that can be preserved so that it can sit on your shelf
for weeks, even years. Once you learn exactly what you are eating, you
will gradually find that you will gravitate towards natural, wholesome
foods anyway. That's not to say that you can't treat yourself but you
may find that certain foods are not as palatable as they once were. This
is exactly what has happened to me and I am all the better for it.
Nutrition and exercise also go hand in hand. Want rock-hard abs? Do all
the sit-ups you want but if you're not eating right, you will never get
those abs. 80% of muscle is built in the kitchen. Eat right and those
muscles will come.
4. Get a mantra. This can be something short and sweet: 'Be strong, be fierce', 'Who Dares Wins' (a golden oldie) or something longer 'Pain is weakness leaving the body'. Ideally it will be something that can fall into rhythm with your movements but isn't lengthy. Studies have proven that when athletes are tired, a mantra can help them to re-focus and carry on going. The science is that, when you're tired, all you can think is "Jesus, I'm tired". "My arms are so heavy and tired". or what I regularly think "Urgh, I'm dead". A mantra moves your attention away from how tired you're feeling and makes you more focused through repetitive affirmation. It's essentially the same thing that pro-athletes do when visualising game-play.
5. Get a routine. Set a time for when you will exercise and stick to it. Draw up a calender and write in your workout schedule. As you tick the days off, you will become more determined to exercise and after three weeks it will be forming as a habit.
As hard as it is to exercise - especially after an illness or coming back from holiday - it is important to get back in to it. It can be the last thing that you feel like doing but you have to take that first step, which is often the hardest one to take.
Wednesday 19 June 2013
Friday 7 June 2013
Zaggora Flares Day 2
So I've worn the Zaggora flares for two days now whilst working out. I did Core Synergistics X the other day
and it was more a stretch program so I didn't sweat all that much. I did
feel instantly warmer (not uncomfortably so) and found that I warmed up
better.
The only problem with them is trying to get them on. They're a right bugger. I couldn't quite grip them so that I could pull them up a bit further so had to keep yanking them up over my bum a little bit. There is also a little inside pocket for if you wear them out running and this kept sticking out. Still, no biggie.
The annoying thing though is that, after working out, I had a shower and then tidied the living room. This actually got me more sweaty than the workout I had just done. I wish that I had worn my Zaggoras whilst tidying but they were drip drying on the line.
My workout today was Kenpo X which I *love*. It's a martial arts based workout and I got further through the workout than ever before. I felt more secure in my flares and I think that it works on the same principle of compression clothes - that the less 'useless' movement (i.e. your flesh wobbling about), the more energy for your workout and better form is maintained. After Kenpo X I really needed the toilet and almost slipped off the toilet bowl, I was so sweaty and my knickers were soaked through (TMI I know but this just illustrates how effective they are at making you sweat). In all, I feel that I have had a good workout and can't wait to see what my results will be like at the end of the Zaggora challenge.
P.S. I am not affiliated with Zaggora in any way. This is my unbiased, honest review.
The only problem with them is trying to get them on. They're a right bugger. I couldn't quite grip them so that I could pull them up a bit further so had to keep yanking them up over my bum a little bit. There is also a little inside pocket for if you wear them out running and this kept sticking out. Still, no biggie.
The annoying thing though is that, after working out, I had a shower and then tidied the living room. This actually got me more sweaty than the workout I had just done. I wish that I had worn my Zaggoras whilst tidying but they were drip drying on the line.
My workout today was Kenpo X which I *love*. It's a martial arts based workout and I got further through the workout than ever before. I felt more secure in my flares and I think that it works on the same principle of compression clothes - that the less 'useless' movement (i.e. your flesh wobbling about), the more energy for your workout and better form is maintained. After Kenpo X I really needed the toilet and almost slipped off the toilet bowl, I was so sweaty and my knickers were soaked through (TMI I know but this just illustrates how effective they are at making you sweat). In all, I feel that I have had a good workout and can't wait to see what my results will be like at the end of the Zaggora challenge.
P.S. I am not affiliated with Zaggora in any way. This is my unbiased, honest review.
Wednesday 5 June 2013
Zaggora flares
2nd June 2013
Have just treated myself to some Zaggora flares. I was tempted to
just go with the capris as they're cheaper but decided that as my calves
are fat, I didn't want fat lower legs that are out of proportion to the
rest of me. I am hoping that this will help the pounds to shift as I
have a year to lose weight. The countdown has begun!
Once they arrive, I shall record my weight and measurements on here and then at the end of Phase 2 of P90X (which I am due to start end of this week), I shall record my new numbers here. Fingers crossed! x
Once they arrive, I shall record my weight and measurements on here and then at the end of Phase 2 of P90X (which I am due to start end of this week), I shall record my new numbers here. Fingers crossed! x
Hoarders
28th May 2013
I don't know if you've ever seen the programme on Bio called
'Hoarders'. Even if you haven't, it is what it says. It's a programme
that records hoarders receiving counselling and help to clear their
house of a colossal amount of junk that they have built up in their
house. Our house isn't quite that bad but was bad enough.
One of the last things that I expected when starting to exercise was that the changes would spill out into other aspects of my life. When you feel good, you want to look good. I used to hate shaving my legs and saw it as a necessary evil. Now I feel gross if I have missed a day. I'm also constantly doing my nails. Anyway. It seems to be an extension of this and the program 'Hoarders' that made me want to tackle the junk that is slowly building up in our house.
My parents have a habit of keeping boxes or things 'just in case'. I used to be the same way until a few years ago whilst sorting my room. I decided to be ruthless and get rid of everything that I didn't need/want and learn to say goodbye to material possessions. I'm by no means a minimalist but I have a grip on junk.
To give you an idea as to what I was up against - Dad keeps boxes as we may need them when we move out or "they may come in useful". They are stored in the loft where no-one can get to them and where they add to the mountain of crap already up there. Also in the loft is a crossbow that Dad made when he was 14 and a rocket, also a remnant from his teens. None have been used since his teens and yet still we keep them. Why? Mum is just as bad and thinks that cleaning is all about putting stuff in boxes and then forgetting about it. I have tried to sort the house out before and done an okay job but haven't been able to get them to sort out their junk so that we could make real head-way.
I did sort out the bathroom a couple of months ago because my Nanny was coming to stay. She is frail and has a twisted spine. If she were to catch her foot on something and fell, she wouldn't be able to get back up. I did a major clean-up and pulled everything out so that I could get behind it and you wouldn't believe the dust bunnies! The bathroom looked great although the bath was not touched. We don't have baths in this family and so it is used as a dumping ground for blankets and pillows. There's nowhere to put them and it is on my list of things to be sorted.
Recently, Mum has been talking about down-sizing and moving to Whitby. Dad has then said that in order to do that we need to sort out our junk but I think that the colossal task that lies ahead has been very off-putting for them. After watching 'Hoarders' I am always wanting to clean and have used the influence of the programme on my mum.
I started off clearing the central worktop and most of it was actually stuff to go in the bin. As bad as it looked, it actually only took half an hour. Mum came home and I told her that I had sorted it out and want to do the rest of the kitchen. I stated very firmly that in order to put stuff away, I need to have space in the cupboards in order to do so. If she wasn't prepared to help me then I would make the decision as to what could go and what couldn't and there was nothing that she could do about it. She didn't like this idea and so reluctantly helped. We did have a bit of a row to start with. I'm not sure how it started but she was shouting at me and I had to firmly tell her "Do *not* shout at me". I then told her that if she wants to move to Whitby within five years then she has to de-clutter the house now. She said that Whitby is just a pipe dream and after I told her that it always would be if she wasn't prepared to make changes, she quietened down and got to it. Other than a bit of tension over a cafetiere, it went smoothly and we have been able to collate 7 big boxes of stuff to go to the YMCA. There was even stuff in the cupboards that were wedding presents and have never been opened!
That was basically Mum's role in the big clean-up. I then sorted out the food cupboards and threw out everything that is expired and wiped down the shelves. The cupboards were so full before that stuff kept falling out and we could never find anything. Again, there were duplicates of everything! After cleaning them out, we have 9 black bags full of stuff to go to landfill all with stuff from the cupboards! Unbelievable!
The really gross thing is that we have had mice in the crockery cupboard and there was so much mouse poo! We knew that they had been in there and had laid the traps but they had clearly been around for a while before we saw signs that they were there and the clean that we had done at the time clearly wasn't adequate. I had to use the mini-hoover to get rid of it all and because the cupboards are so deep, practically had to climb in so that I could bleach the bloody thing. All the crockery had to be washed and put back in and there is now some semblance of order that is manageable - the cupboards being deep is a big problem as stuff gets hidden and so the parents (Mum especially) can't find it and so buy a replacement and round and round it goes.
The last thing to do was to sweep the floor and get down on the ol' hands and knees and bleach the floor. Now the kitchen looks great and is presentable to guests whereas before it was an embarrassment. I have the second half to clear which shouldn't take too long. Just laundry that needs doing and putting away, carrier bags that need throwing away and that half of the floor swept and cleaned. Once the kitchen is done, I have got to start on my room again.
Dad and I also have plans to clear the garage so that then we can clear the loft and sort everything out in the garage. Then we can do the rest of the house and store the things that we do need in the loft. I have also found a company that collects everything you are getting rid of and sorts it out. That means that we don't have to sort out stuff for charity and landfill which will save us alot of time. Unfortunately (sort of) Dad is starting work again and this means that we have less time in which to work on it. Still, little and often is the key and at least we're actually bloody doing it.
I had no idea when I started P90X that it would have such a big impact on my personal appearance and well-being to such an extent. I think that it's great that is has also led to me finally facing the house and sorting everything out. I do genuinely believe that the state of a house has a psychological impact on people. I'm also glad that Mum has seen that getting rid of material possessions doesn't mean that you are throwing away your identity and can actually be very therapeutic. Hopefully it will be easier from now on.
One of the last things that I expected when starting to exercise was that the changes would spill out into other aspects of my life. When you feel good, you want to look good. I used to hate shaving my legs and saw it as a necessary evil. Now I feel gross if I have missed a day. I'm also constantly doing my nails. Anyway. It seems to be an extension of this and the program 'Hoarders' that made me want to tackle the junk that is slowly building up in our house.
My parents have a habit of keeping boxes or things 'just in case'. I used to be the same way until a few years ago whilst sorting my room. I decided to be ruthless and get rid of everything that I didn't need/want and learn to say goodbye to material possessions. I'm by no means a minimalist but I have a grip on junk.
To give you an idea as to what I was up against - Dad keeps boxes as we may need them when we move out or "they may come in useful". They are stored in the loft where no-one can get to them and where they add to the mountain of crap already up there. Also in the loft is a crossbow that Dad made when he was 14 and a rocket, also a remnant from his teens. None have been used since his teens and yet still we keep them. Why? Mum is just as bad and thinks that cleaning is all about putting stuff in boxes and then forgetting about it. I have tried to sort the house out before and done an okay job but haven't been able to get them to sort out their junk so that we could make real head-way.
I did sort out the bathroom a couple of months ago because my Nanny was coming to stay. She is frail and has a twisted spine. If she were to catch her foot on something and fell, she wouldn't be able to get back up. I did a major clean-up and pulled everything out so that I could get behind it and you wouldn't believe the dust bunnies! The bathroom looked great although the bath was not touched. We don't have baths in this family and so it is used as a dumping ground for blankets and pillows. There's nowhere to put them and it is on my list of things to be sorted.
Recently, Mum has been talking about down-sizing and moving to Whitby. Dad has then said that in order to do that we need to sort out our junk but I think that the colossal task that lies ahead has been very off-putting for them. After watching 'Hoarders' I am always wanting to clean and have used the influence of the programme on my mum.
I started off clearing the central worktop and most of it was actually stuff to go in the bin. As bad as it looked, it actually only took half an hour. Mum came home and I told her that I had sorted it out and want to do the rest of the kitchen. I stated very firmly that in order to put stuff away, I need to have space in the cupboards in order to do so. If she wasn't prepared to help me then I would make the decision as to what could go and what couldn't and there was nothing that she could do about it. She didn't like this idea and so reluctantly helped. We did have a bit of a row to start with. I'm not sure how it started but she was shouting at me and I had to firmly tell her "Do *not* shout at me". I then told her that if she wants to move to Whitby within five years then she has to de-clutter the house now. She said that Whitby is just a pipe dream and after I told her that it always would be if she wasn't prepared to make changes, she quietened down and got to it. Other than a bit of tension over a cafetiere, it went smoothly and we have been able to collate 7 big boxes of stuff to go to the YMCA. There was even stuff in the cupboards that were wedding presents and have never been opened!
That was basically Mum's role in the big clean-up. I then sorted out the food cupboards and threw out everything that is expired and wiped down the shelves. The cupboards were so full before that stuff kept falling out and we could never find anything. Again, there were duplicates of everything! After cleaning them out, we have 9 black bags full of stuff to go to landfill all with stuff from the cupboards! Unbelievable!
The really gross thing is that we have had mice in the crockery cupboard and there was so much mouse poo! We knew that they had been in there and had laid the traps but they had clearly been around for a while before we saw signs that they were there and the clean that we had done at the time clearly wasn't adequate. I had to use the mini-hoover to get rid of it all and because the cupboards are so deep, practically had to climb in so that I could bleach the bloody thing. All the crockery had to be washed and put back in and there is now some semblance of order that is manageable - the cupboards being deep is a big problem as stuff gets hidden and so the parents (Mum especially) can't find it and so buy a replacement and round and round it goes.
The last thing to do was to sweep the floor and get down on the ol' hands and knees and bleach the floor. Now the kitchen looks great and is presentable to guests whereas before it was an embarrassment. I have the second half to clear which shouldn't take too long. Just laundry that needs doing and putting away, carrier bags that need throwing away and that half of the floor swept and cleaned. Once the kitchen is done, I have got to start on my room again.
Dad and I also have plans to clear the garage so that then we can clear the loft and sort everything out in the garage. Then we can do the rest of the house and store the things that we do need in the loft. I have also found a company that collects everything you are getting rid of and sorts it out. That means that we don't have to sort out stuff for charity and landfill which will save us alot of time. Unfortunately (sort of) Dad is starting work again and this means that we have less time in which to work on it. Still, little and often is the key and at least we're actually bloody doing it.
I had no idea when I started P90X that it would have such a big impact on my personal appearance and well-being to such an extent. I think that it's great that is has also led to me finally facing the house and sorting everything out. I do genuinely believe that the state of a house has a psychological impact on people. I'm also glad that Mum has seen that getting rid of material possessions doesn't mean that you are throwing away your identity and can actually be very therapeutic. Hopefully it will be easier from now on.
Just an update
2nd May 2013
Well, it's been a while so figured that I'd give an update and keep this diary going.
I've been going out for runs with my Mum and it's not going so well. I was prepared to give it a chance (re running with a partner) but I prefer to run on my own. First off, Mum doesn't understand that when you run 1:1 intervals (1 minute running, 1 minute brisk walking), that it is more important to finish the minute run than to run as fast as you can and get knackered with 20 seconds left. Explaining this to her is like trying to communicate with Martians using only some baked bean cans and a piece of string. Mum is adamant that she can't run that slow and so never finishes the minutes and in short, we are not making progress. I didn't want to enter Race for Life this year anyway as I hated the last one so I don't care if I have to walk the bloody thing.
On the plus side, I have been doing Beach Body's P90X. It's a 90-day challenge which consists of three phases. I don't want to go into too much detail about them but the first phase constitutes:
This is actually my third go at P90X having suffered two false starts. Still perseverance and consistency are key.
I do enjoy P90X and since the workouts are about an hour each, it's only 4% of my day. When I don't feel like it, I'll remember this and I'm sure that I'll get the workout done. It's amazing how quickly I improve as well. I feel stronger and fitter and I was actually able to hold myself in a decline push-up position (and managed 1/2 a push-up. Woo!), a plank and my press-ups and chair-dips are improving all the time. In short, I have lost 2lbs since Monday. Go me!
I am due to finish the first phase at the end of May and I shall probably give another update then. I am feeling really good about this and have a wedding to slim down for for 2014. I *will* be wearing a dress and I *will* be able to wear a bikini for the first time.
Well, it's been a while so figured that I'd give an update and keep this diary going.
I've been going out for runs with my Mum and it's not going so well. I was prepared to give it a chance (re running with a partner) but I prefer to run on my own. First off, Mum doesn't understand that when you run 1:1 intervals (1 minute running, 1 minute brisk walking), that it is more important to finish the minute run than to run as fast as you can and get knackered with 20 seconds left. Explaining this to her is like trying to communicate with Martians using only some baked bean cans and a piece of string. Mum is adamant that she can't run that slow and so never finishes the minutes and in short, we are not making progress. I didn't want to enter Race for Life this year anyway as I hated the last one so I don't care if I have to walk the bloody thing.
On the plus side, I have been doing Beach Body's P90X. It's a 90-day challenge which consists of three phases. I don't want to go into too much detail about them but the first phase constitutes:
- Chest and Back and Ab Ripper X
- Plyometrics
- Shoulders and Arms and Ab Ripper X
- Yoga X
- Legs and Back and Ab Ripper X
- Kenpo X
- X Stretch/Rest
This is actually my third go at P90X having suffered two false starts. Still perseverance and consistency are key.
I do enjoy P90X and since the workouts are about an hour each, it's only 4% of my day. When I don't feel like it, I'll remember this and I'm sure that I'll get the workout done. It's amazing how quickly I improve as well. I feel stronger and fitter and I was actually able to hold myself in a decline push-up position (and managed 1/2 a push-up. Woo!), a plank and my press-ups and chair-dips are improving all the time. In short, I have lost 2lbs since Monday. Go me!
I am due to finish the first phase at the end of May and I shall probably give another update then. I am feeling really good about this and have a wedding to slim down for for 2014. I *will* be wearing a dress and I *will* be able to wear a bikini for the first time.
Ah, bliss
25th February 2013
Well, I wasn't sure if I was going to go for a run today as I have been feeling a bit weird (TOTM. Girls will know what that means) and usually, it means that I feel all wobbly and exercising really tires me out and makes my heart pound. I figured that exercise will make me feel better in the long run and that I should give it a go anyway. Mum has been having some trouble with her knee and so she did brisk walking today whereas I did the running.
I was going to run and then wait for Mum to catch up and then do the next run and so on but then I figured that I should take this time for myself and push myself to cover a greater distance. So I basically left Mum behind. It worked and also, my pace has picked up. I turned around and started to run back but on the last three runs, I stopped at 30 seconds, saw how much time I had left and started running again. I then came to a bit of a steep hill and decided that I was going to run to the top of it and carry on running until time was up - even if it killed me. I managed it! And it did nearly kill me. My thigh muscles were really burning and it signaled the end of my running for the day as, by that point, I really was exhausted. Cue a brisk walk back to the car.
The weird thing though is that I have a Garmin which I use to tell me when to run and when to walk. It said that I had only done five runs by the time that I turned around which can't be right. If it is, I am covering one hell of a distance in 60 seconds. Mum and I are both pretty bloody sure that I actually ran 15 times. I'm going to have to upload the data and see what it says. I'm also planning on getting the time that we start the warm-up and then finding out when we finish and we can work it out from that. Still, it was a run, it felt good and I have had one hell of a good scrub down in the shower which I absolutely love.
*edit* Have just checked the data saved on my Garmin and I did 14 runs. Not sure what's going on with the actual device but at least I know that I'm not going mad.
My cross-training on the 'rest' days is going to be P90X as I am a little bored with P90. I'm a little nervous as it's a bit more intense but I am ready for the challenge. Pictures and measurements tomorrow so that I have something for comparison and to aim for. I have a wedding next year and I have to be ready. I want to be able to wear a killer dress.
“You focus your mind
to train your body and the changes that begin to take place impact your
mind as well. Dream it, believe it, and you will achieve it.”
- Unknown
Well, I wasn't sure if I was going to go for a run today as I have been feeling a bit weird (TOTM. Girls will know what that means) and usually, it means that I feel all wobbly and exercising really tires me out and makes my heart pound. I figured that exercise will make me feel better in the long run and that I should give it a go anyway. Mum has been having some trouble with her knee and so she did brisk walking today whereas I did the running.
I was going to run and then wait for Mum to catch up and then do the next run and so on but then I figured that I should take this time for myself and push myself to cover a greater distance. So I basically left Mum behind. It worked and also, my pace has picked up. I turned around and started to run back but on the last three runs, I stopped at 30 seconds, saw how much time I had left and started running again. I then came to a bit of a steep hill and decided that I was going to run to the top of it and carry on running until time was up - even if it killed me. I managed it! And it did nearly kill me. My thigh muscles were really burning and it signaled the end of my running for the day as, by that point, I really was exhausted. Cue a brisk walk back to the car.
The weird thing though is that I have a Garmin which I use to tell me when to run and when to walk. It said that I had only done five runs by the time that I turned around which can't be right. If it is, I am covering one hell of a distance in 60 seconds. Mum and I are both pretty bloody sure that I actually ran 15 times. I'm going to have to upload the data and see what it says. I'm also planning on getting the time that we start the warm-up and then finding out when we finish and we can work it out from that. Still, it was a run, it felt good and I have had one hell of a good scrub down in the shower which I absolutely love.
*edit* Have just checked the data saved on my Garmin and I did 14 runs. Not sure what's going on with the actual device but at least I know that I'm not going mad.
My cross-training on the 'rest' days is going to be P90X as I am a little bored with P90. I'm a little nervous as it's a bit more intense but I am ready for the challenge. Pictures and measurements tomorrow so that I have something for comparison and to aim for. I have a wedding next year and I have to be ready. I want to be able to wear a killer dress.
Have lost 3lbs
21st February 2013
I don't know what I've done differently this week as I feel as though I have been eating like a pig (thanks to the new wholemeal crisps by Walkers) but I have lost 3lbs! I weighed myself on Monday to see if the walking had made a difference to my weight and nothing showed on the scales. My jeans however, which had been feeling a little tight on the waistband, are now more comfortable and I know that my abs are getting stronger. This morning however, I jumped on the scales out of curiosity and voila!
I think that it helps that I make all of our meals from scratch - last night was Herby Chicken Kievs (not a success but I will attempt them again), Lancashire Hotpot on Tuesday and tonight will be Spaghetti Carbonara. I believe that you can eat anything as long as you know what is going into it, use healthy alternatives and control your portions. I feel as though I am not on a diet as I'm not eating anything weird and can still enjoy my meals.
The run yesterday was also different. Mum's knee is still tender and I wasn't feeling great so I suggested that we do one minute of running and three of walking. This actually wasn't a bad idea. I could do the workout despite feeling crappy and was able to focus on keeping my speed up and lengthening my stride in order to engage the muscles at the back of the upper leg (something that misses out when running with a short stride). I can really feel those muscles today so it was obviously of benefit.
I'm about to do the sculpt workout of P90 in order to get some strength training in and get a more rounded workout. I have my cousin's wedding in May of next year as my target and I will get there!
Bye for now x
"Any
experience can be transformed into something of value.
Everything depends on the way you look at things.
You cannot have the success without the failures".
- Unknown
I don't know what I've done differently this week as I feel as though I have been eating like a pig (thanks to the new wholemeal crisps by Walkers) but I have lost 3lbs! I weighed myself on Monday to see if the walking had made a difference to my weight and nothing showed on the scales. My jeans however, which had been feeling a little tight on the waistband, are now more comfortable and I know that my abs are getting stronger. This morning however, I jumped on the scales out of curiosity and voila!
I think that it helps that I make all of our meals from scratch - last night was Herby Chicken Kievs (not a success but I will attempt them again), Lancashire Hotpot on Tuesday and tonight will be Spaghetti Carbonara. I believe that you can eat anything as long as you know what is going into it, use healthy alternatives and control your portions. I feel as though I am not on a diet as I'm not eating anything weird and can still enjoy my meals.
The run yesterday was also different. Mum's knee is still tender and I wasn't feeling great so I suggested that we do one minute of running and three of walking. This actually wasn't a bad idea. I could do the workout despite feeling crappy and was able to focus on keeping my speed up and lengthening my stride in order to engage the muscles at the back of the upper leg (something that misses out when running with a short stride). I can really feel those muscles today so it was obviously of benefit.
I'm about to do the sculpt workout of P90 in order to get some strength training in and get a more rounded workout. I have my cousin's wedding in May of next year as my target and I will get there!
Bye for now x
Chavs and Heathens
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
- Eleanor Roosevelt
So Fridays run went well - we were tired but still managed to do what we did on Wednesday so it was nothing to be upset about. As Mum finishes work sooner on a Friday, there was 'all-sorts' out for a walk along our running route. Unfortunately, some of these all-sorts were chavs (and I mean the young-teenage-parent-still-covered-in-spots-and-forever-uneducated type of chav). I knew that if I could get by them without heckling that it would be a miracle. I don't believe in miracles. Just as well.
Mum ran past them first followed shortly after by myself. One of them moved out of her way and so when I went past, I looked him in the eye and said "thank you". He then commented that I looked like I had run a marathon. Fair enough - I do go very red in the face and it was just an innocent comment. The others that were with him however, seemed to take this as an invitation to then heckle. The only one that I clearly heard was "Bloody hell, I can feel the ground shaking!"....from a girl. So much for sisterly support. I didn't respond but couldn't help thinking "At least I'm fucking educated". I look forward to the day when I can just sail past them no problem at all, stones lighter and they realise that weight-loss is a journey that may take some time but pays off in the end.
I decided not to say anything to Mum about the heckling as I thought that it may upset her and put her off from going running in the future. I did however tell Dad who, today, told me that Mum had heard some heckling going on (but didn't hear what was being said) and didn't say anything to me about it in case it upset me. I asked her about it earlier today and she said that she didn't think I had heard it. Of course I bloody heard it! I was right next to them when they said it.
Anyway.
Yesterday was a day of 'recovery' with a walk up to the Devil's Pulpit in Tintern. It was supposed to be a gentle hike but was actually quite difficult in places. The road was so muddy that it was like walking on sand - one step forward, two steps back. The trail was gentle enough - we ended up taking the long way round which was uphill for 2 1/2 miles (700+ calories burned. Can't remember exact number at the moment). The view was definitely worth the climb and on the way down, Mum got talking to a pair of walkers who showed us a quicker way down (I was more than happy to walk the same route back but Mum was tired). Their way may have been quicker but it was bloody harder! I don't think that it started off as a footpath - more of a stream. Very wet, very muddy and very steep. It certainly was quicker though. I think that the going down has inflamed the lining of my knee as it's quite sore to bend. It feels bruised but I didn't bang it or jar it yesterday so I can only assume that it was the going down that did it.
We stopped for a cream tea and on the way back to the car, we bumped into the couple again. They had also had a cream tea and Mum made a comment about 'replenishing calories' and this woman's husband points at me and Mum and says "These two don't need to replenish calories". Cheeky. Fucking. Bastard. What is it with people believing that they have the right to put others down?
Still, I let it wash over me somewhat in the sense that I didn't retaliate and it didn't ruin the weekend. It has however made me even more determined to live an active lifestyle and to not judge people by appearances (except for those chavs).
View of Tintern Abbey from the 'Devil's Pulpit'
1st day of Mum run
"My advice is to go
into something and stay with it until you like it. You can't like it
until you obtain expertise in that work. And once you are an expert,
it's a pleasure".
- Milton Garland
Well, the run will Mum went quite well. I tried to explain to her that she wants to run slower than her natural pace as then she'll be able to finish the whole workout without knackering herself out. She didn't seem to get this and could only do 3 of the runs before her knees started to hurt. I told her that that was fine and expected and that I would run on and then turn back around and join her; so off I go, I come to a bollard and decide to make that my turning point. Around I go but I spy Mum on my left as I go round and she follows me around the bollard until both of us have done a 540degree turn! Glad that no-one saw that.
I know that three minutes doesn't sound like much but you have to start somewhere and you do experience all manner of aches and pains as you engaged muscles that have been hardly used for a long time. She seems pretty pleased with herself anyway and we are even running a new route today so shall see how that goes (it's snowing at the moment so is going to be bloody cold).
As for me, I didn't expect to be able to run and be able to keep going. I thought that I would be back to square one but as I have been doing other forms of exercise, I guess that it has paid off. I am determined that I shall finish the run today even if Mum has to walk and I have to run back to her. Monday was all about her but I need to get my workouts in as well.
Second run tonight! Can't wait to get in from the cold, have a shower and then sit in front of the lovely fire.
All stop and all start
11th February 2013
On the exercise-front, the weather has turned so I can start running again. It's still cold and damp - this is England after all - but it's no longer snow and ice. I am going for my first run tonight...with my Mum!
You have no idea how much of a momentous event this is: for her to agree to come running with me is amazing. She is like how I was in many way- overweight, unfit, poor diet, lack of motivation, nervous and in denial about it all. She has also signed up for Race for Life (RFL), which I ran last year. I don't think that she expected me to continue with the running and even to complete the RFL and when she saw me do it, she realised that she can do it too.
I am also relieved that she is running with me, as she is getting bigger and bigger and her Dad has diabetes. Considering that Mum puts weight on her stomach, I know that her risk of diabetes is great. Then there are the general health problems caused from being overweight such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, arthritis etc and she gets out of breath just doing up her shoes and sweats profusely at the slightest bit of physical exertion. I have been worried about her health for a long time, as has my sister, but I think that the fact that she sees herself as smaller than me (not by much - I put weight on my butt and hips, her on her waist) has kind of been her security blanket ("well at least I'm not as big as Aeneid). So it is a weight off my mind that this could be the start of a healthier lifestyle.
Due to my return to running, my posts should be more frequent and with any luck, the weight loss will speed up.
Cheerio!
Don't let the fear of striking out hold you back.
- Babe Ruth
I initially liked the idea of dating but I am definitely the sort of
person who has to feel sparks with a person, otherwise I feel no
inclination to continue seeing them. I am however, still glad that I
gave it a go and put myself out there...even if only for 5 minutes.- Babe Ruth
On the exercise-front, the weather has turned so I can start running again. It's still cold and damp - this is England after all - but it's no longer snow and ice. I am going for my first run tonight...with my Mum!
You have no idea how much of a momentous event this is: for her to agree to come running with me is amazing. She is like how I was in many way- overweight, unfit, poor diet, lack of motivation, nervous and in denial about it all. She has also signed up for Race for Life (RFL), which I ran last year. I don't think that she expected me to continue with the running and even to complete the RFL and when she saw me do it, she realised that she can do it too.
I am also relieved that she is running with me, as she is getting bigger and bigger and her Dad has diabetes. Considering that Mum puts weight on her stomach, I know that her risk of diabetes is great. Then there are the general health problems caused from being overweight such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, arthritis etc and she gets out of breath just doing up her shoes and sweats profusely at the slightest bit of physical exertion. I have been worried about her health for a long time, as has my sister, but I think that the fact that she sees herself as smaller than me (not by much - I put weight on my butt and hips, her on her waist) has kind of been her security blanket ("well at least I'm not as big as Aeneid). So it is a weight off my mind that this could be the start of a healthier lifestyle.
Due to my return to running, my posts should be more frequent and with any luck, the weight loss will speed up.
Cheerio!
First date - thoughts?
22nd January 2013
Kind of lame to admit this but, at 27, I have just got back from my first date.
For years I have felt like I don't deserve a relationship and so have avoided it completely. Recently though, I've been thinking that I can't keep running from things and it will always seem scary until I do it. So I joined an on-line dating website and had a date tonight. We went to the pub so that we could actually get to know each other and I thought that we'd only be there for an hour....three hours later, I'm home.
It was a good evening. There were maybe four moments where conversation stopped but only for a few seconds. I don't know...I just didn't feel a spark. I do appreciate that he walked me to my car and sent me a text to make sure that I got home alright but I think that he's more friend material. My sister says that sparks are overrated but I'm not too sure. What are your thoughts? (Mind you, that's if he even wants a second date).
For years I have felt like I don't deserve a relationship and so have avoided it completely. Recently though, I've been thinking that I can't keep running from things and it will always seem scary until I do it. So I joined an on-line dating website and had a date tonight. We went to the pub so that we could actually get to know each other and I thought that we'd only be there for an hour....three hours later, I'm home.
It was a good evening. There were maybe four moments where conversation stopped but only for a few seconds. I don't know...I just didn't feel a spark. I do appreciate that he walked me to my car and sent me a text to make sure that I got home alright but I think that he's more friend material. My sister says that sparks are overrated but I'm not too sure. What are your thoughts? (Mind you, that's if he even wants a second date).
The New Years Changes
21st January 2013
So, I've resumed the P90 and I'm already seeing results. I have dropped a dress size, a bra size and have lost two lbs this week.
I am happy about the above of course, however: two weeks ago I bought four new bras that are now too big. Bugger.
On other news - I have a date tomorrow! I joined Plenty of Fish on Saturday and that evening, had a date set up for Tuesday! To be honest, that evening, when I was asleep, I was panicking about it. I know that it sounds odd - that I was asleep and panicking - but I really was. In my sleep, I also decided that fear is good and that I can't keep running from life. He may not like my weight but hopefully, we click and he'll see beyond that. If not, at least I have crossed a hurdle so it's a win regardless of what happens. I did make sure that I put photos on my profile that show how big I am so that I haven't 'tricked' him under false pretences.
That's it really. No running as of yet as there's a lot of snow. Never mind.
So, I've resumed the P90 and I'm already seeing results. I have dropped a dress size, a bra size and have lost two lbs this week.
I am happy about the above of course, however: two weeks ago I bought four new bras that are now too big. Bugger.
On other news - I have a date tomorrow! I joined Plenty of Fish on Saturday and that evening, had a date set up for Tuesday! To be honest, that evening, when I was asleep, I was panicking about it. I know that it sounds odd - that I was asleep and panicking - but I really was. In my sleep, I also decided that fear is good and that I can't keep running from life. He may not like my weight but hopefully, we click and he'll see beyond that. If not, at least I have crossed a hurdle so it's a win regardless of what happens. I did make sure that I put photos on my profile that show how big I am so that I haven't 'tricked' him under false pretences.
That's it really. No running as of yet as there's a lot of snow. Never mind.
A Year To Save My Life
1st January 2013
So my sister uses the word 'fat' alot. And this is regarding herself. She seems to be forever saying "I don't want to get fat". As someone who is fat and has faced all the negative aspects of it, this really makes my blood boil. I can understand that she doesn't want to get fat but she is so preoccupied with how she looks. She is an attractive, intelligent woman who has alot going for her and yet, she seems to focus on the physical. A male friend of her has even said to her that the sooner she accepts herself in a positive way, the happier she will be. I couldn't agree more.
She watches a lot of programmes re weight loss such as MTV's 'I used to be Fat' and 'Obese: A Year To Save My Life'. I don't mind this as I find it inspiring and notice alot of the behaviour that I have in common with the participants. Since starting running, I procrastinate less, make less excuses and have a bit more positive thinking in terms of my achievements and abilities. I feel more positive about this year and that can only be a good thing.
It is obvious from watching these programmes that the only way to lose weight and stay slim is to identify your triggers and your bad habits. I feel that I did this with one of my first entries as I understand that the emotional side of things is just as important.
(And Mum's a nosey bitch as she's just asked what I'm typing. And I've just replied that I've typed that my Mum is a nosey bitch).
As I was saying - it is surprising how much this helped and I continue to look for negative behavioural patterns or moments of self-sabotage.
In order to continue with the positive thinking and achievements side of things, I have set myself two goals. The first is to run all of and complete 'The Adidas 10k Forest Trail Run' that is in May. 'Race for Life' was a huge disappointment for me, as I didn't enjoy it and I had to walk most of it due to my asthma. The 10k will not be the same.
My cousin also got engaged on Christmas Day and they are looking at planning the wedding for 2014 which gives both of us a chance to lose some substantial weight (my cousin is also very big). I have told her about P90 and P90X and will be giving her the videos in a bid to help her reach her goal. It would be so great to be shopping for a dress and being excited about the choices that are available to me, instead of ending up depressed because of the lack of choice due to my size. I am seriously tempted to treat myself to an Alexander McQueen dress. Maybe I should browse and get an idea as to what I want to wear?
I also have the goal of being able to comfortably fit into a plane seat as I am planning on visiting my sister for this year's Christmas. That gives me just under a year to lose 5 stone, which is a do-able target and will bring me down to 13 stone.
Here's to 2013 and I'll be going for my first run of the New Year tomorrow!
"I
learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over
it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who
conquers that fear" - Nelson Mandela
So my sister uses the word 'fat' alot. And this is regarding herself. She seems to be forever saying "I don't want to get fat". As someone who is fat and has faced all the negative aspects of it, this really makes my blood boil. I can understand that she doesn't want to get fat but she is so preoccupied with how she looks. She is an attractive, intelligent woman who has alot going for her and yet, she seems to focus on the physical. A male friend of her has even said to her that the sooner she accepts herself in a positive way, the happier she will be. I couldn't agree more.
She watches a lot of programmes re weight loss such as MTV's 'I used to be Fat' and 'Obese: A Year To Save My Life'. I don't mind this as I find it inspiring and notice alot of the behaviour that I have in common with the participants. Since starting running, I procrastinate less, make less excuses and have a bit more positive thinking in terms of my achievements and abilities. I feel more positive about this year and that can only be a good thing.
It is obvious from watching these programmes that the only way to lose weight and stay slim is to identify your triggers and your bad habits. I feel that I did this with one of my first entries as I understand that the emotional side of things is just as important.
(And Mum's a nosey bitch as she's just asked what I'm typing. And I've just replied that I've typed that my Mum is a nosey bitch).
As I was saying - it is surprising how much this helped and I continue to look for negative behavioural patterns or moments of self-sabotage.
In order to continue with the positive thinking and achievements side of things, I have set myself two goals. The first is to run all of and complete 'The Adidas 10k Forest Trail Run' that is in May. 'Race for Life' was a huge disappointment for me, as I didn't enjoy it and I had to walk most of it due to my asthma. The 10k will not be the same.
My cousin also got engaged on Christmas Day and they are looking at planning the wedding for 2014 which gives both of us a chance to lose some substantial weight (my cousin is also very big). I have told her about P90 and P90X and will be giving her the videos in a bid to help her reach her goal. It would be so great to be shopping for a dress and being excited about the choices that are available to me, instead of ending up depressed because of the lack of choice due to my size. I am seriously tempted to treat myself to an Alexander McQueen dress. Maybe I should browse and get an idea as to what I want to wear?
I also have the goal of being able to comfortably fit into a plane seat as I am planning on visiting my sister for this year's Christmas. That gives me just under a year to lose 5 stone, which is a do-able target and will bring me down to 13 stone.
Here's to 2013 and I'll be going for my first run of the New Year tomorrow!
End of the year
24th December 2012
Well, it's the end of the year...almost. I have done things that I
never thought I would such as go out on solo runs and complete the Race
for Life 5k. There is still much that I want to do and achieve and have
set more goals for 2013.
I have been a little disappointed with how the last few months have turned out. Mainly that, in order to pay off my horrible credit card (never get one!), I have had to work in a shitty job for the past three months. Yes, it's money and I'm lucky to have a job when so many people don't but I really effing hate it; the supervisors treat us like shit (bar one), the work is boring and monotonous, it's virtually at minimum wage and it involves working Saturdays. The only positive thing to come out of it is that I have lost half a stone since starting work there. Presumably, this is because I am literally stood up for 7 and a half hours, five days a week. I haven't been able to do any running, so the standing must be the reason behind it.
The other thing about this job is that I haven't been able to do any exercise. Not a bit of it. P90 has stopped, as has the running. I have been resentful about this but whilst driving to work one morning, I saw an old school-friend out for a run. It was raining, it was cold, it was 7am, she works as a doctor at the hospital and she was still able to fit it in. I have determined to do the same and have entered the 'Adidas 10k Forest Trail Run' in May. I shall also be raising funds for Crisis (a charity that helps single homeless people get off the streets), so those two facts should be motivation enough and hopefully, I shall lose more weight.
I have also compiled a list of do-able goals for 2013:
I have been a little disappointed with how the last few months have turned out. Mainly that, in order to pay off my horrible credit card (never get one!), I have had to work in a shitty job for the past three months. Yes, it's money and I'm lucky to have a job when so many people don't but I really effing hate it; the supervisors treat us like shit (bar one), the work is boring and monotonous, it's virtually at minimum wage and it involves working Saturdays. The only positive thing to come out of it is that I have lost half a stone since starting work there. Presumably, this is because I am literally stood up for 7 and a half hours, five days a week. I haven't been able to do any running, so the standing must be the reason behind it.
The other thing about this job is that I haven't been able to do any exercise. Not a bit of it. P90 has stopped, as has the running. I have been resentful about this but whilst driving to work one morning, I saw an old school-friend out for a run. It was raining, it was cold, it was 7am, she works as a doctor at the hospital and she was still able to fit it in. I have determined to do the same and have entered the 'Adidas 10k Forest Trail Run' in May. I shall also be raising funds for Crisis (a charity that helps single homeless people get off the streets), so those two facts should be motivation enough and hopefully, I shall lose more weight.
I have also compiled a list of do-able goals for 2013:
1. Get back into regular running
2. Complete 5k with ease
3. Train for the Adidas 10k Forest Trail Run for May 2013, raising funds for Crisis.
4. Move out
5. Get a legal secretary job
6. Save every penny
7. Visit my sister for Christmas in Canada
8. Begin the emigration process for Canada
9. Complete P90 and progress to P90X
10. Lose weight
11. Stop cracking my knuckles!
Righty-ho.
I am now off to do some on-line shopping for necessary winter running
supplies i.e. a head-torch, a hoody and a running hat.
Merry Christmas peeps! 
Update
3rd October 2012
So a few months ago, my sister discovered P90X and told me about it. I decided to do P90 (the easier one. I made this decision so that I don't get too knackered and give up. I need to be realistic and will do P90X when I have lost more weight) and lose weight so that I could resume my running and hopefully get less shin splints.
I am loving P90! It involves alternating days of strength one day and then cardio and ab work the next with one rest day a week. To date I have lost 1 and a half stone/21 lbs (including the 1/2 stone I lost when running) and I have dropped a dress size. I have also noticed a difference in the strength in my legs and can get up hills and stairs with no problem. The difference is amazing.
I haven't been updating as regularly as it would make for some really boring updates ("did P90 Sculpt 1-2 today. I lifted my arm up and put it back down, lifted it up again and put it back down, lifted it up....) but I am still doing it.
I really do believe that by this time next year, I will have hit my goal of being a healthy weight and being fit. Can't wait!
So a few months ago, my sister discovered P90X and told me about it. I decided to do P90 (the easier one. I made this decision so that I don't get too knackered and give up. I need to be realistic and will do P90X when I have lost more weight) and lose weight so that I could resume my running and hopefully get less shin splints.
I am loving P90! It involves alternating days of strength one day and then cardio and ab work the next with one rest day a week. To date I have lost 1 and a half stone/21 lbs (including the 1/2 stone I lost when running) and I have dropped a dress size. I have also noticed a difference in the strength in my legs and can get up hills and stairs with no problem. The difference is amazing.
I haven't been updating as regularly as it would make for some really boring updates ("did P90 Sculpt 1-2 today. I lifted my arm up and put it back down, lifted it up again and put it back down, lifted it up....) but I am still doing it.
I really do believe that by this time next year, I will have hit my goal of being a healthy weight and being fit. Can't wait!
Day 1 of Sweat 1-2
17th July 2012
Well, it certainly makes you sweat!
Just a quick newsflash: I have lost another lb! Go me!
That is a total of 10lb since May.
Just a quick newsflash: I have lost another lb! Go me!
That is a total of 10lb since May.
Day1 of Power 90
16th July 2012
Well, I ran Race for Life. I joined the joggers and made it as far as
the 1km mark when my asthma kicked in. I slowed to take a puff on my
inhaler but this actually made it worse and cause a burning sensation at
the centre of my chest, almost as if I had incredibly bad indigestion.
It didn't go away for the whole race and finishing was a struggle but I
still finished!
I have also entered the Adidas 10k Trail Race in the Forest of Dean in May next year. That gives me plenty of time to train for it.
Also, I have the workouts P90 and P90X. I failed the fit test for P90x on the push-ups and I figured that the P90 routine would be best for me anyway, so that I can lose weight and get to a level of fitness where I can do P90X. If I can lose as much weight as possible, then that stands me in better stead for the Adidas race.
I think that it's fair to say that the P90 diet is as important as the workouts. Yes, you can get good results with just the workouts but the people who follow the diet get even better results. Plus the diet really isn't all that bad. I do struggle with what to eat for lunch since for the first 30-days, I can only have 1 serving of carbs. My Mum and I are having wholemeal fajitas tonight so that will use up the 1 carb serving. I got inventive though and had a ham, lettuce and cheese roll-up, which is 1 serving of protein, 1 of veg and 1 of dairy. Ordinarily, I would never have had that but it's only for the next 30 days and then I get an extra serving of carbs.
The photos of me from Race for Life are really goddamn awful. I barely even recognised myself and I can't believe how out of shape I have allowed myself to become. Never again!
I have also entered the Adidas 10k Trail Race in the Forest of Dean in May next year. That gives me plenty of time to train for it.
Also, I have the workouts P90 and P90X. I failed the fit test for P90x on the push-ups and I figured that the P90 routine would be best for me anyway, so that I can lose weight and get to a level of fitness where I can do P90X. If I can lose as much weight as possible, then that stands me in better stead for the Adidas race.
I think that it's fair to say that the P90 diet is as important as the workouts. Yes, you can get good results with just the workouts but the people who follow the diet get even better results. Plus the diet really isn't all that bad. I do struggle with what to eat for lunch since for the first 30-days, I can only have 1 serving of carbs. My Mum and I are having wholemeal fajitas tonight so that will use up the 1 carb serving. I got inventive though and had a ham, lettuce and cheese roll-up, which is 1 serving of protein, 1 of veg and 1 of dairy. Ordinarily, I would never have had that but it's only for the next 30 days and then I get an extra serving of carbs.
The photos of me from Race for Life are really goddamn awful. I barely even recognised myself and I can't believe how out of shape I have allowed myself to become. Never again!
No running for 1 week
I cancelled my appointment with the doctor re my weight as I thought
"I've been three times and have not received any help. Why do I think
that this time will be different?"
I ended up going today anyway. For the past few days, there's been a particular spot that is very sore when I twist or sit up etc. Last night I rolled over in bed and it felt like the sore bit was attached to a piece of string and that someone yanked on it. It was so painful but the pain went within seconds and the area isn't tender to the touch etc. It happened several times during the night and was enough to wake me up. Due to where the pain is (same place as my left ovary), I figured that I should get it checked out. The doctor felt my stomach (but not where it hurts which is pointless) and said that she thinks it's a pulled muscle. I have basically been signed off exercise for the next week and have to take ibuprofen. Apparently exercise will exacerbate the problem and could lead to muscle tearing. Fantastic. I am well and truly f**ked for Race for Life.
I am also not convinced that it is a pulled muscle. I have had pulled muscles before and they feel nothing like this. Still. Time will tell.
I ended up going today anyway. For the past few days, there's been a particular spot that is very sore when I twist or sit up etc. Last night I rolled over in bed and it felt like the sore bit was attached to a piece of string and that someone yanked on it. It was so painful but the pain went within seconds and the area isn't tender to the touch etc. It happened several times during the night and was enough to wake me up. Due to where the pain is (same place as my left ovary), I figured that I should get it checked out. The doctor felt my stomach (but not where it hurts which is pointless) and said that she thinks it's a pulled muscle. I have basically been signed off exercise for the next week and have to take ibuprofen. Apparently exercise will exacerbate the problem and could lead to muscle tearing. Fantastic. I am well and truly f**ked for Race for Life.
I am also not convinced that it is a pulled muscle. I have had pulled muscles before and they feel nothing like this. Still. Time will tell.
Doctor tommorrow
25th June 2012
Well I've made an appointment to see my Doctor tomorrow. A couple of
months ago, I wrote an entry about how I think I have an under-active
thyroid but have had no luck with doctors.
A little background as to my situation:
A little background as to my situation:
- When I was younger, I was a competitive swimmer: I would train 5 times a week for 1 1/2 hours and during the summer, I had galas most weekends. I was also diving, participating in lifesaving, doing sports at school and judo.
- As soon as I hit 13, I piled on the weight. My eating habits didn't change but I got bigger and bigger. Eventually the bullying started and ironically, I began to comfort eat.
- The swimming and sport continued up until I left high school by which time I was so miserable, I quit swimming and rowing (which I was also doing by this time) and embarked on weight watchers (my comfort eating was under control by this point). Time went on, I still watched what I ate and dieted. I lost about 1/2 stone and then gradually (even though I was still following the diet), the weight went back on and then some.
- Fast forward a couple of years and in desperation, I went on the Cambridge Diet. I dropped to 500cals a day and lost half a stone. The diet was rigid in the extreme and expensive and the weight went back on and then some.
- I went to my Dr for help and told him that I can only lost weight when I drop to 500cals and he told me that clearly my body is very good at using what calories I give it, then shrugged his shoulders.
- Another Dr said that I should cut out food groups.
- Fast forward another few years and my mum and I embarked on the GI Diet together. She lost 1 1/2 stone, I lost 1/2 stone and then it completely stopped. For weeks, I could not get beyond this point. I went back to the Dr with my mum and was told that there was nothing that they could do. The weight gradually went back on and then some.
- A new Dr started at the practice and so I went to see her for help. She did one blood test for an under-active thyroid which came back as being in the 'normal' range. That was that. She said that there wasn't a problem and basically told me that I'm fat because I don't exercise (which she now tells me every time I see her even for none weight-related problems).
- I have done some research into my symptoms and they all come back as being related to an under-active thyroid. I am going to see my Dr tomorrow and I want some answers. At the very least, I will give him a written list of my symptoms and try and convince him to treat me on my symptoms. I have been running since January and doing kettlebell exercises and have lost 1/2 stone. Now it has stopped. I try and remain optimistic and positive but I just want to be normal and live my life. I hate that there are things that I cannot do because of my weight and I hate how people treat me.
Pushed Hard - Got results!
13th June 2012
On a side note, I saw the cutest little bunnyrabbit this morning. I love bunnies, they're just so damn cute!
Anyway,
I spoke to my sister yesterday who told me that I should run for an hour this morning doing the 1:1 training. She said that it would be hard but that the first time is always the hardest. I checked on Google Maps to see how far I would have to run in order to cover 5km and with that in mind, I decided that I would go for it on Wednesday.
On Tuesday, I decided to do my kettlebell workout DVD as I think I'm on the verge of getting a shin-splint again. I keep R.I.C.E.-ing it and taking Ibuprofen which I think has helped to stave it off. Anyway, I was able to get further into the DVD before I had to start taking breathers. Although I did stop for about 20 seconds each time, I rewound the DVD so that I could complete the whole set. The lunges were a killer but I knew that they would be worth it since it's your glutes and abs that provide stability to your other muscles. So this morning, I was really stiff and thought that I may find this mornings run painful.
I have to say that that wasn't the case. Usually it takes me 8 minutes to complete the route that forms my warm-up but today it only took me 6:30 minutes and I felt a lot more 'loose' than I have for a while. Once on the other side of the old bridge (which marks when I start running), I started my workout and the first four runs were as they usually are - horrible but necessary to warm up and loosen up. (I did pass a wino who I thought might make a comment but nada). I don't know if it's because I knew that I was running a further distance or what but I settled into a natural pace and decided to just keep running no matter what. On the path, there is a horrible small hill that I had to get up but before I reached it, I gave myself a pep talk. I decided that it would be better to view it as a small challenge and that I had two choices: quit or conquer it. I conquered!
As I was running, I did think that I was covering a greater distance than usual and I seemed to reach Golden Post no problem. ('Golden Post' is the street where I usually turn around and run back. It's been a marker for most of my runs as the place to aim for). Well, I ran past there today and onto another part of the lane that I have only glimpsed before. Fortunately, because it was early, the park wasn't busy with cyclists and the like so I pretty much had the place to myself. There were a few runs at this point where I would stop, see I had 30 seconds left, would take a breather for two seconds and then start running again in order to finish the rep. Although I was tired, my asthma was fine, I was keeping my form and I felt that I had more to give. Well, I did! I got to the end of the route and turned around to go back. I have to admit that the last rep on the way out was hard and I stopped 30seconds in. When I turned around, I decided that I would keep going with the reps and if I had to slow down, then that is what I would do. Well, I don't know what happened - if it was because I knew that I was on the home stretch or because I came into my zone - but the run back was easier. My thigh muscles ached but weren't painful and burning, my breathing was regular, I stayed lifted out of my hips and I had good form in general. I actually started to really enjoy it. I was able to keep the reps up until I came to the old bridge which ends with a steep, small hill (going up). Well that is where my run ended - just as I was going up the little hill. I felt great! Not in the sense that I had the runner's high but in the sense that I had done it! I still can't really believe it. I did have more reps left on my watch but I knew from checking at Google Maps that I had covered the distance that I needed to. My Garmin recorded a total 1:1 distance of 3.31 miles in 54 minutes with my best pace being 5.42min/mile. I am pretty damn pleased with that!
I also found on my cool-down that I recovered really quickly. I know that my fitness has improved as a week ago, I took my resting heart-rate which was 74 beats per minutes (b.p.m). Yesterday, it was 64bpm! That is one hell of an improvement. I had also been told by my swimming coach once, that the true measure of fitness is how quickly you recover. So although I put a lb on overnight (which I think may have been due to the kettlebell), I am starting to reap the benefits in other areas.
And I've lost an inch off my hips!!
Now I feel really stiff and can feel all of the muscles in my legs. I have done some stretches and had a well deserved hot shower. I suppose that as my workout was hard, I should expect to feel some pain. Bring on Friday!!
On a side note, I saw the cutest little bunnyrabbit this morning. I love bunnies, they're just so damn cute!
Anyway,
I spoke to my sister yesterday who told me that I should run for an hour this morning doing the 1:1 training. She said that it would be hard but that the first time is always the hardest. I checked on Google Maps to see how far I would have to run in order to cover 5km and with that in mind, I decided that I would go for it on Wednesday.
On Tuesday, I decided to do my kettlebell workout DVD as I think I'm on the verge of getting a shin-splint again. I keep R.I.C.E.-ing it and taking Ibuprofen which I think has helped to stave it off. Anyway, I was able to get further into the DVD before I had to start taking breathers. Although I did stop for about 20 seconds each time, I rewound the DVD so that I could complete the whole set. The lunges were a killer but I knew that they would be worth it since it's your glutes and abs that provide stability to your other muscles. So this morning, I was really stiff and thought that I may find this mornings run painful.
I have to say that that wasn't the case. Usually it takes me 8 minutes to complete the route that forms my warm-up but today it only took me 6:30 minutes and I felt a lot more 'loose' than I have for a while. Once on the other side of the old bridge (which marks when I start running), I started my workout and the first four runs were as they usually are - horrible but necessary to warm up and loosen up. (I did pass a wino who I thought might make a comment but nada). I don't know if it's because I knew that I was running a further distance or what but I settled into a natural pace and decided to just keep running no matter what. On the path, there is a horrible small hill that I had to get up but before I reached it, I gave myself a pep talk. I decided that it would be better to view it as a small challenge and that I had two choices: quit or conquer it. I conquered!
As I was running, I did think that I was covering a greater distance than usual and I seemed to reach Golden Post no problem. ('Golden Post' is the street where I usually turn around and run back. It's been a marker for most of my runs as the place to aim for). Well, I ran past there today and onto another part of the lane that I have only glimpsed before. Fortunately, because it was early, the park wasn't busy with cyclists and the like so I pretty much had the place to myself. There were a few runs at this point where I would stop, see I had 30 seconds left, would take a breather for two seconds and then start running again in order to finish the rep. Although I was tired, my asthma was fine, I was keeping my form and I felt that I had more to give. Well, I did! I got to the end of the route and turned around to go back. I have to admit that the last rep on the way out was hard and I stopped 30seconds in. When I turned around, I decided that I would keep going with the reps and if I had to slow down, then that is what I would do. Well, I don't know what happened - if it was because I knew that I was on the home stretch or because I came into my zone - but the run back was easier. My thigh muscles ached but weren't painful and burning, my breathing was regular, I stayed lifted out of my hips and I had good form in general. I actually started to really enjoy it. I was able to keep the reps up until I came to the old bridge which ends with a steep, small hill (going up). Well that is where my run ended - just as I was going up the little hill. I felt great! Not in the sense that I had the runner's high but in the sense that I had done it! I still can't really believe it. I did have more reps left on my watch but I knew from checking at Google Maps that I had covered the distance that I needed to. My Garmin recorded a total 1:1 distance of 3.31 miles in 54 minutes with my best pace being 5.42min/mile. I am pretty damn pleased with that!
I also found on my cool-down that I recovered really quickly. I know that my fitness has improved as a week ago, I took my resting heart-rate which was 74 beats per minutes (b.p.m). Yesterday, it was 64bpm! That is one hell of an improvement. I had also been told by my swimming coach once, that the true measure of fitness is how quickly you recover. So although I put a lb on overnight (which I think may have been due to the kettlebell), I am starting to reap the benefits in other areas.
And I've lost an inch off my hips!!
Now I feel really stiff and can feel all of the muscles in my legs. I have done some stretches and had a well deserved hot shower. I suppose that as my workout was hard, I should expect to feel some pain. Bring on Friday!!
S.A.D. and tired
11th June 2012
Today was my second day of the 1:1 programme and I have to admit that it was a struggle to get out of bed. Due to the crappy weather, my Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) is affecting me again and I am feeling really tired in the mornings: almost as if I have had no sleep, even though I have slept like a log...not that logs sleep (that saying has always puzzled me). I actually slept through 5 minutes of my alarm.
I also couldn't find my running kit and kind of hoped that I had put it in the washing machine and it was so wet that I couldn't possibly go out for a run. It wasn't. It was dry and waiting to be washed. I figured that I would wake up properly later and of course, the best course of treatment for S.A.D. involves exercise, in order to get those lovely little endorphin and serotonin buddies pumping through my blood stream.
I have to admit that I wasn't sure what to expect today due to the weather. I knew that the river had burst its banks over the weekend but I was unsure as to whether or not the path would be underwater. Even if it wasn't. there may have been so much debris that the path was unpassable. Apart from being a little muddy, it was fine. There was also a light rain but I figured that with my jacket and cap, I probably wouldn't even notice it which turned out to be true. It's a shame that the flood hadn't washed away all of the dog shit though.
I checked Google Maps yesterday in order to find out how far I would have to run in order to cover 5k. It turns out that I am covering half of that distance on my runs, which of course, makes me feel even more anxious. I honestly don't know if I'll be able to jog around the Race for Life course but I'm still determined to put in the work in order to give it a really good go. I have so far raised £100 and I am determined to do my best.
The 1:1 ratio does seem to be working. It is hard work but I wasn't as stiff this morning and I warmed up after about 4 runs. I had been feeling really tired on Friday (so much so, that I had to have a half-hour nap when I came back). It did occur to me later that maybe I needed to take on some energy so I did some carb-loading in the form of beef lasagne with garlic bread and later, chip shop chips and baked beans. I felt so much better over the weekend so I guess that it was just what I needed. The runs were good and I kept a consistent pace, whilst checking my form and technique at the same time. I remembered to hold in my abs and to 'lift' myself out of my hips which is starting to become a subconscious habit. I didn't quite cover the distance that I wanted and I did stop a few times before the end so I'm looking forward to Wednesday. I plan to increase my distance by 10% every couple of runs and hopefully that'll help me cover more distance and be able to actually jog much further without needing a break. I need to remember that consistency and determination are key but so is being realistic. If I try and vamp up the distance too fast, I could very well injure myself and/or cause my muscles to atrophy. I need to remember that I am carrying extra weight and to listen to what my body is telling me. Although I am still anxious about Race for Life. I'm considering adding a fourth run at the weekend so that I can see how far I can jog in one go. That way I can accurately track my progress and hopefully build up my endurance that little bit more. I think that I'll speak to my sister about it and gain some perspective.
Today was my second day of the 1:1 programme and I have to admit that it was a struggle to get out of bed. Due to the crappy weather, my Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) is affecting me again and I am feeling really tired in the mornings: almost as if I have had no sleep, even though I have slept like a log...not that logs sleep (that saying has always puzzled me). I actually slept through 5 minutes of my alarm.
I also couldn't find my running kit and kind of hoped that I had put it in the washing machine and it was so wet that I couldn't possibly go out for a run. It wasn't. It was dry and waiting to be washed. I figured that I would wake up properly later and of course, the best course of treatment for S.A.D. involves exercise, in order to get those lovely little endorphin and serotonin buddies pumping through my blood stream.
I have to admit that I wasn't sure what to expect today due to the weather. I knew that the river had burst its banks over the weekend but I was unsure as to whether or not the path would be underwater. Even if it wasn't. there may have been so much debris that the path was unpassable. Apart from being a little muddy, it was fine. There was also a light rain but I figured that with my jacket and cap, I probably wouldn't even notice it which turned out to be true. It's a shame that the flood hadn't washed away all of the dog shit though.
I checked Google Maps yesterday in order to find out how far I would have to run in order to cover 5k. It turns out that I am covering half of that distance on my runs, which of course, makes me feel even more anxious. I honestly don't know if I'll be able to jog around the Race for Life course but I'm still determined to put in the work in order to give it a really good go. I have so far raised £100 and I am determined to do my best.
The 1:1 ratio does seem to be working. It is hard work but I wasn't as stiff this morning and I warmed up after about 4 runs. I had been feeling really tired on Friday (so much so, that I had to have a half-hour nap when I came back). It did occur to me later that maybe I needed to take on some energy so I did some carb-loading in the form of beef lasagne with garlic bread and later, chip shop chips and baked beans. I felt so much better over the weekend so I guess that it was just what I needed. The runs were good and I kept a consistent pace, whilst checking my form and technique at the same time. I remembered to hold in my abs and to 'lift' myself out of my hips which is starting to become a subconscious habit. I didn't quite cover the distance that I wanted and I did stop a few times before the end so I'm looking forward to Wednesday. I plan to increase my distance by 10% every couple of runs and hopefully that'll help me cover more distance and be able to actually jog much further without needing a break. I need to remember that consistency and determination are key but so is being realistic. If I try and vamp up the distance too fast, I could very well injure myself and/or cause my muscles to atrophy. I need to remember that I am carrying extra weight and to listen to what my body is telling me. Although I am still anxious about Race for Life. I'm considering adding a fourth run at the weekend so that I can see how far I can jog in one go. That way I can accurately track my progress and hopefully build up my endurance that little bit more. I think that I'll speak to my sister about it and gain some perspective.
Just get through it
I have to admit that when I woke at 5:30am this morning, I felt
really tired but I was up for a run and there was no way that I was
going back to bed.
I knew that today it would be quiet down by the river as we had a lot of rain and high wind last night; it was still raining slightly this morning but nothing a waterproof jacket and a baseball cap couldn't handle. I find it a bit ridiculous that some people won't go out in any kind of bad weather (unless it's torrential) especially in this country! Still, it meant that I didn't have to dodge pedestrians and homicidal cyclists; just slugs and snails (but no puppy dog tails).
The 1:1 training session was much better today - not perfect but better. I felt really stiff and couldn't run very fast, so I told myself that that was alright, I was getting warmed up. The muscle stiffness did go away after a couple runs but my speed was still slow. I figured that getting through the workout was more important than speed and that I should focus on my technique. I have to say that compared to Wednesday, this run was much better. I did stop four times before the end - once 22 secs, once 5 secs, once 33 secs and another 12 secs. I figured that this is o.k. as I have never actually run 1:1 before and I think that I did bloody well. It's also nice to run without the pressure of thinking 'OMG, I'm only on week 3!'. I have had the cramp again in my lower leg, which, a couple of weeks prior, signaled the shin splints. Since it was only bothering me when I was walking and not running, I knew that I was fine to continue. I need to take the weekend easy and be sure to R.I.C.E. (Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevation).
Here's to a relaxing weekend!
Update: I have now reached £100 in sponsorship money! Wooooo!
I knew that today it would be quiet down by the river as we had a lot of rain and high wind last night; it was still raining slightly this morning but nothing a waterproof jacket and a baseball cap couldn't handle. I find it a bit ridiculous that some people won't go out in any kind of bad weather (unless it's torrential) especially in this country! Still, it meant that I didn't have to dodge pedestrians and homicidal cyclists; just slugs and snails (but no puppy dog tails).
The 1:1 training session was much better today - not perfect but better. I felt really stiff and couldn't run very fast, so I told myself that that was alright, I was getting warmed up. The muscle stiffness did go away after a couple runs but my speed was still slow. I figured that getting through the workout was more important than speed and that I should focus on my technique. I have to say that compared to Wednesday, this run was much better. I did stop four times before the end - once 22 secs, once 5 secs, once 33 secs and another 12 secs. I figured that this is o.k. as I have never actually run 1:1 before and I think that I did bloody well. It's also nice to run without the pressure of thinking 'OMG, I'm only on week 3!'. I have had the cramp again in my lower leg, which, a couple of weeks prior, signaled the shin splints. Since it was only bothering me when I was walking and not running, I knew that I was fine to continue. I need to take the weekend easy and be sure to R.I.C.E. (Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevation).
Here's to a relaxing weekend!
Update: I have now reached £100 in sponsorship money! Wooooo!
Total loss of 9lbs
Well, the shin-splints have healed and I went for a run today. My
God, was it hard work! I have ditched the NHS Couch to 5K programme as
it's just not right for me. I started today on the 1:1 run that I
mentioned in my previous post. Anyway, today was hard bloody work. I had
a shit weekend having been exiled to my room (my Nan was down and
wanted to watch all of the boring Jubilee stuff all day for the whole weekend),
I think that I have a cold coming and I have gone over my syn allowance
quite a few times this week. I thought that this meant that I'd put on
weight but I haven't, I've lost again. Huzzah!
I got up at 5:30am and thought 'I'm going back to bed'. I felt really rough, my eye has been bloodshot and itchy for the past few days and I think that I'm getting a cold, so off to bed I trot. Only, I can't sleep. Because The Voice is there:
The Voice: 'Get up'
Me: 'No. I'm here now and this is where I'm staying'.
The Voice: 'Get up'.
Me: 'No'
The Voice: 'You know I'll win in the end'.
Me: 'For Fucks sake!'
So I got up (again) and weighed myself: total loss: 9lbs. Weirdly enough, that cheered me up and made me want to go for a run! The run wasn't too bad; not great but not too bad. I actually only managed to finish one run but I kept going until the end of the 1:1 programme. Hopefully Friday will be easier.
I also ran past five women runners who I have never seen before; I think that I may have met some fellow 'Race for Life'-ers!
I got up at 5:30am and thought 'I'm going back to bed'. I felt really rough, my eye has been bloodshot and itchy for the past few days and I think that I'm getting a cold, so off to bed I trot. Only, I can't sleep. Because The Voice is there:
The Voice: 'Get up'
Me: 'No. I'm here now and this is where I'm staying'.
The Voice: 'Get up'.
Me: 'No'
The Voice: 'You know I'll win in the end'.
Me: 'For Fucks sake!'
So I got up (again) and weighed myself: total loss: 9lbs. Weirdly enough, that cheered me up and made me want to go for a run! The run wasn't too bad; not great but not too bad. I actually only managed to finish one run but I kept going until the end of the 1:1 programme. Hopefully Friday will be easier.
I also ran past five women runners who I have never seen before; I think that I may have met some fellow 'Race for Life'-ers!
Ouchie Ouchie!
28th May 2012
I skipped my run on Friday as late Thursday afternoon, I got a tattoo of my Lewey (who I have spoken about in previous posts). It was tender as anything and as I had to drive for an hour and a half to get there, then sit for two hours and then drive back, to say that I was shattered the next morning, would be an understatement. I also was aware that when running, my arm would be rubbing against the inside of my sleeve and so I took the day off.
So I went for a run today and out of all of my runs, this was the most painful.
I decided to get up at 5:30am so that I could get out before it was really hot (it was 13C at 6am) and I could beat the pedestrians and the kamikaze cyclists, who seem to want to take everyone out with them.
I have been anxious for some time that I am not going to be able to run 5km even with the programme that I have been doing. This is because the programme is nonspecific in saying that it will get me running for 5km or for half-an-hour. Well, I want to actually be able to run the whole distance and so my sister recommended that I change my training plan. She suggested that I do what she did and run 1 minute, walk 1 minute repeatedly for the distance of 10km. I can then build it up to 2:2, 3:3, 4:4 etc. Apparently this is what improved her stamina and the first time that she tried to run 5k, she managed around 3k and then built from there. She ran the Race for Life in 34 minutes, so I think that this is a good way to go.
So anyway, I started today with good intentions. I did feel a bit sick this morning but thought that I would feel better once I began running. The nausea did go away but then my legs started hurting. They have been feeling a bit tight for the past few days, which I put down to the usual muscle strain due to me changing my stride. To begin with, I couldn't even finish the first minute and as my TOM is due shortly, I put it down to just being a bit out of sorts and that once I had warmed up, everything would loosen up and I'd be fine. The second run didn't go any better and I had to stop after 15 seconds into the third as my legs were really hurting me. I have read several times, that if your legs are really hurting as you are running, that you have caused yourself an injury and should stop. So I turned around and hobbled back to the car which took 25 minutes! My legs really were agony. I have since ascertained that instead of Tibial Stress Fractures (which I previously thought that I had and would have put me out of action for 8-weeks), I actually have Medial Tibial Stress Syndrome aka Shin Splints. So now I have to ice my legs for 20-minutes every 2 hours, take Ibuprofen, minimise or stop running and check my gait. I have decided that due to the pain that I was experiencing that I will stop all running until Friday, when I will do a test run around the garden and access my recovery.
As 'Race for Life' is in July, I don't really have much time to be injured but it's happened and I can't change it. If I try to run before my legs have healed, I'll just do myself greater damage. There is no point in stressing over the things that I cannot change.
There is also a trail race in the Forest of Dean every year in May. I think that I shall make that my next goal and then I have the rest of the year to train for it. That way, if I get injured, it won't eat into my schedule too much.
You may also have read my previous post in which I had a bit of a mini freakout. I am actually feeling better about it today and was back to flicking through the magazines and thinking, "This time next year, I will actually be able to wear this stuff". I have always said that to myself but never believed it. Now I do. I have also been keeping a little scrapbook with pictures of clothes that I have cut out of mags; there is a hell of a lot of Alexander McQueen in there (which is hardly surprising, as the man was a genius). How I will be able to afford it I have no idea but a girl needs to be able to dream. I have often found it disheartening that fat people cannot seem to buy decent clothing. It's all shapeless and flouncy and I have never been able to develop a style. Looking through the scrapbook has illustrated that I actually do have a style and it is dark, structured, tailored and has a statement. I cannot wait until I can fit into those clothes!
"If you run, you are a runner. It doesn't matter how fast or how far.
It doesn't matter if today is your first day or if you've been running
for twenty years. There is no test to pass, no licence to earn, no
membership card to get. You just run". - John Bingham
I skipped my run on Friday as late Thursday afternoon, I got a tattoo of my Lewey (who I have spoken about in previous posts). It was tender as anything and as I had to drive for an hour and a half to get there, then sit for two hours and then drive back, to say that I was shattered the next morning, would be an understatement. I also was aware that when running, my arm would be rubbing against the inside of my sleeve and so I took the day off.
So I went for a run today and out of all of my runs, this was the most painful.
I decided to get up at 5:30am so that I could get out before it was really hot (it was 13C at 6am) and I could beat the pedestrians and the kamikaze cyclists, who seem to want to take everyone out with them.
I have been anxious for some time that I am not going to be able to run 5km even with the programme that I have been doing. This is because the programme is nonspecific in saying that it will get me running for 5km or for half-an-hour. Well, I want to actually be able to run the whole distance and so my sister recommended that I change my training plan. She suggested that I do what she did and run 1 minute, walk 1 minute repeatedly for the distance of 10km. I can then build it up to 2:2, 3:3, 4:4 etc. Apparently this is what improved her stamina and the first time that she tried to run 5k, she managed around 3k and then built from there. She ran the Race for Life in 34 minutes, so I think that this is a good way to go.
So anyway, I started today with good intentions. I did feel a bit sick this morning but thought that I would feel better once I began running. The nausea did go away but then my legs started hurting. They have been feeling a bit tight for the past few days, which I put down to the usual muscle strain due to me changing my stride. To begin with, I couldn't even finish the first minute and as my TOM is due shortly, I put it down to just being a bit out of sorts and that once I had warmed up, everything would loosen up and I'd be fine. The second run didn't go any better and I had to stop after 15 seconds into the third as my legs were really hurting me. I have read several times, that if your legs are really hurting as you are running, that you have caused yourself an injury and should stop. So I turned around and hobbled back to the car which took 25 minutes! My legs really were agony. I have since ascertained that instead of Tibial Stress Fractures (which I previously thought that I had and would have put me out of action for 8-weeks), I actually have Medial Tibial Stress Syndrome aka Shin Splints. So now I have to ice my legs for 20-minutes every 2 hours, take Ibuprofen, minimise or stop running and check my gait. I have decided that due to the pain that I was experiencing that I will stop all running until Friday, when I will do a test run around the garden and access my recovery.
As 'Race for Life' is in July, I don't really have much time to be injured but it's happened and I can't change it. If I try to run before my legs have healed, I'll just do myself greater damage. There is no point in stressing over the things that I cannot change.
There is also a trail race in the Forest of Dean every year in May. I think that I shall make that my next goal and then I have the rest of the year to train for it. That way, if I get injured, it won't eat into my schedule too much.
You may also have read my previous post in which I had a bit of a mini freakout. I am actually feeling better about it today and was back to flicking through the magazines and thinking, "This time next year, I will actually be able to wear this stuff". I have always said that to myself but never believed it. Now I do. I have also been keeping a little scrapbook with pictures of clothes that I have cut out of mags; there is a hell of a lot of Alexander McQueen in there (which is hardly surprising, as the man was a genius). How I will be able to afford it I have no idea but a girl needs to be able to dream. I have often found it disheartening that fat people cannot seem to buy decent clothing. It's all shapeless and flouncy and I have never been able to develop a style. Looking through the scrapbook has illustrated that I actually do have a style and it is dark, structured, tailored and has a statement. I cannot wait until I can fit into those clothes!
Ooer!
27th May 2012
I have to admit that I came on here to talk about how optimistic I am
feeling and to talk about the clothes that I have seen and have finally
thought "This time next year, I'll be wearing those". First however, I
thought that I would look into arm-lift surgery as I know that it will
be necessary.
Oh God, I really wish that I hadn't! It's not that I'm squeamish, it's that there are pictures of women who have obviously lost a lot of weight and they just have loose skin hanging off them. What if I look like that?! What if, after all of my hard work, I end up looking the same way. Still hideous but in a different way?! I really wish I hadn't looked. I still want to go forward with the weight loss, as I am not happy with how I am but I have to admit that I am now really nervous. Part of me even seriously questioned if it is worth losing the weight, if I am only going to look like that? I know that I'm being negative but it is a serious concern. What if I still can't bear to look at myself in the mirror? What if I still think that no-one will want me because I look like I've been stretched? Forget about putting on a swimming costume and actually enjoying going to the beach whilst on holiday!
Oh God, I really wish that I hadn't looked. I always knew that it was a possibility, even a cert for some areas of my body, but oh God. What if I do look like that?
Oh God, I really wish that I hadn't! It's not that I'm squeamish, it's that there are pictures of women who have obviously lost a lot of weight and they just have loose skin hanging off them. What if I look like that?! What if, after all of my hard work, I end up looking the same way. Still hideous but in a different way?! I really wish I hadn't looked. I still want to go forward with the weight loss, as I am not happy with how I am but I have to admit that I am now really nervous. Part of me even seriously questioned if it is worth losing the weight, if I am only going to look like that? I know that I'm being negative but it is a serious concern. What if I still can't bear to look at myself in the mirror? What if I still think that no-one will want me because I look like I've been stretched? Forget about putting on a swimming costume and actually enjoying going to the beach whilst on holiday!
Oh God, I really wish that I hadn't looked. I always knew that it was a possibility, even a cert for some areas of my body, but oh God. What if I do look like that?
Total loss of 6.5lbs
23rd May 2012
Yep. Just half a lb shy of half-a-stone. Amazing! I can feel it too
in that I can feel that my skin is looser and my tops fit better (no
riding up over my wobbling belly as I walk). I know that this means that
I will have lots of loose skin when I have reached my goal but I shall
also have better health, better fitness, more confidence and more
self-belief. I'm happy with that trade-off.
I also went to Tesco earlier on in the week where there is a mirror that I call "The Mirror of Hell". Basically I hated looking at it as it showed me how monstrous my hips were and how overweight I am. Basically, it showed me how everyone else sees me. This time however, I got kind of a shock when I glanced into it (not sure why) and there was a flash of depression, followed very quickly by "That is the last time that you are ever going to show me looking like that" and I actually felt happy having seen my reflection! Me: 1. Mirror: 0.
At the moment, I am sitting with an ice pack on my leg. I have had cramp in one spot for the past two days and although it doesn't hurt when I run, I would still like it to go away now, thanks. I also had a knot in my foot and so I rolled it over a tennis ball for about a minute. I didn't think that it would work but it did. Amazing!
Today was shit. I know that I'm all for positive thinking but today really was shit. S.H.I.T. Shit!
My wonderful and generous sister bought me a Garmin Forerunner which has GPS. Whilst I was stood still waiting for it to locate satellites, an Alsatian came running at me, growling, and started jumping at my face. Fortunately it had effectively muzzled itself as it was carrying a stick but it was still scary. What did his owner say? "It's alright love". Is it? IS IT?! Your great, big, fucking Alsatian that you clearly cannot control (or cannot be arsed to) is trying to savage my face! I wish I'd punched him. Instead I laughed nervously and walked off. That pretty much set the tone for the whole run.
I forgot my hat today so although I was getting used to not having what is, effectively, a psychological crutch (I wear it thinking that people can't see my red face (they can) and that if I see anyone who may be abusive, I can hide behind it (I can't)), it also meant that I had the sun in my eyes for the whole run back. So instead of concentrating on my technique and breathing, I was instead trying to see where I was going and dodging cyclists and pedestrians at the same time.
Great. Now there's a wasp in my room.
I also read in 'Women's Running' magazine, that the back swing of your arms is just at important as the front swing, as when you use a high back swing, it forces you to take a longer stride ergo strengthening your glutes and hip-flexors. This is where I am weakest so that is what I was doing today and it does work.
Unfortunately, it also meant that I was engaging muscles that I haven't been engaging before and it made the runs hard work. In short, I only actually finished one run. It was also 13C already this morning and as I cannot stand the heat, it made it even harder. Still. Friday is another day and another workout. I cannot expect plain sailing all the time; it happens to the best of us.
On a more positive note, I had the most delicious dinner on Monday. My Mum has a bug so has been home all week, which leaves me to cook every meal. On Monday, we had Sainsbury's chip-shop chicken curry with long-grain basmati rice and home-made oven chips. It was delicious! And only 6 syns. Huzzah!
I also went to Tesco earlier on in the week where there is a mirror that I call "The Mirror of Hell". Basically I hated looking at it as it showed me how monstrous my hips were and how overweight I am. Basically, it showed me how everyone else sees me. This time however, I got kind of a shock when I glanced into it (not sure why) and there was a flash of depression, followed very quickly by "That is the last time that you are ever going to show me looking like that" and I actually felt happy having seen my reflection! Me: 1. Mirror: 0.
At the moment, I am sitting with an ice pack on my leg. I have had cramp in one spot for the past two days and although it doesn't hurt when I run, I would still like it to go away now, thanks. I also had a knot in my foot and so I rolled it over a tennis ball for about a minute. I didn't think that it would work but it did. Amazing!
Today was shit. I know that I'm all for positive thinking but today really was shit. S.H.I.T. Shit!
My wonderful and generous sister bought me a Garmin Forerunner which has GPS. Whilst I was stood still waiting for it to locate satellites, an Alsatian came running at me, growling, and started jumping at my face. Fortunately it had effectively muzzled itself as it was carrying a stick but it was still scary. What did his owner say? "It's alright love". Is it? IS IT?! Your great, big, fucking Alsatian that you clearly cannot control (or cannot be arsed to) is trying to savage my face! I wish I'd punched him. Instead I laughed nervously and walked off. That pretty much set the tone for the whole run.
I forgot my hat today so although I was getting used to not having what is, effectively, a psychological crutch (I wear it thinking that people can't see my red face (they can) and that if I see anyone who may be abusive, I can hide behind it (I can't)), it also meant that I had the sun in my eyes for the whole run back. So instead of concentrating on my technique and breathing, I was instead trying to see where I was going and dodging cyclists and pedestrians at the same time.
Great. Now there's a wasp in my room.
I also read in 'Women's Running' magazine, that the back swing of your arms is just at important as the front swing, as when you use a high back swing, it forces you to take a longer stride ergo strengthening your glutes and hip-flexors. This is where I am weakest so that is what I was doing today and it does work.
Unfortunately, it also meant that I was engaging muscles that I haven't been engaging before and it made the runs hard work. In short, I only actually finished one run. It was also 13C already this morning and as I cannot stand the heat, it made it even harder. Still. Friday is another day and another workout. I cannot expect plain sailing all the time; it happens to the best of us.
On a more positive note, I had the most delicious dinner on Monday. My Mum has a bug so has been home all week, which leaves me to cook every meal. On Monday, we had Sainsbury's chip-shop chicken curry with long-grain basmati rice and home-made oven chips. It was delicious! And only 6 syns. Huzzah!
4lbs in 5 days
21st May 2012
Well, I went for a run this morning. I did consider going on Sunday to finish off day 3 of week 1 but I decided against it and instead skipped the last run. So today, I did day 1 of week 2, which is 90 seconds of running with 2 minutes brisk walk repeated 6 times.
For the first three runs, I stopped about 4 seconds before the end. For the last three however, it felt much easier. I always forget that I am built for long-distance and always took part in the long-distance events in swimming i.e. the 800m (32 lengths), 200m butterfly (8 lengths), the 400m Individual Medley (4 lengths of each)....
I think that the last three were easier because I had warmed up properly by then. I need to remember this when I next go on a run that, yes, it will be tough to start with, but it will get easier.
I have also come some way in combating my bad habits, namely looking down at the floor which in turn causes me to slouch, meaning that I then also sit heavier in my hips. This morning, I realised that I was running with my head up and my abs were pulled in and my shoulders down. I did catch myself slouching in one of the later runs and corrected my posture immediately. Since that was the only time however, I am pretty damn pleased with myself.
I also caught myself selling myself short. The goal is to be able to jog around the course for Race for Life. I told myself today however, that that wasn't going to happen and that I may have to console myself to walk-jog. It is all too easy to fall into a negative way of thinking and think that you are not as good as others.
I then immediately made a list of what I have achieved so far:
With regards to my diet, I have to say that I love Slimming World. I remember when I did Weight Watchers and I had to count everything! I couldn't even reach for an apple without calculating whether or not I could have it. No wonder I didn't stick with the diet!
This weekend, I wasn't a saint; I had a burger when I was out with my Dad. Originally I wasn't going to but he said that I have to treat myself occasionally and that protein is important. Obviously I know about protein, I was more concerned about the greasy fat and undoing all my hard work. Slimming World does have a Food Directory and I knew from that, that the 'healthiest' (and I use that term loosely) thing that you can have from McDonalds is a beefburger. So that is what I went for....with onions. It actually didn't taste of anything. All of the taste came from the onions. Still, the protein would have been used by my muscles and I am learning to include the things that I like in moderation. I went over in syns due to also eating a roast dinner later on but as I hadn't used all of my syns for the other days, I actually only went over by 2. So yeh. I have lost another two lbs over the weekend. Go me!
Although I have decided that I shall tell my Dad of my weight loss, I am not telling my Mum. She goes really funny about it and starts plying me with fatty stuff. I hate it and so I am not telling her. She may very well notice at some point but I shall cross that bridge when I come to it.
Well, I went for a run this morning. I did consider going on Sunday to finish off day 3 of week 1 but I decided against it and instead skipped the last run. So today, I did day 1 of week 2, which is 90 seconds of running with 2 minutes brisk walk repeated 6 times.
For the first three runs, I stopped about 4 seconds before the end. For the last three however, it felt much easier. I always forget that I am built for long-distance and always took part in the long-distance events in swimming i.e. the 800m (32 lengths), 200m butterfly (8 lengths), the 400m Individual Medley (4 lengths of each)....
I think that the last three were easier because I had warmed up properly by then. I need to remember this when I next go on a run that, yes, it will be tough to start with, but it will get easier.
I have also come some way in combating my bad habits, namely looking down at the floor which in turn causes me to slouch, meaning that I then also sit heavier in my hips. This morning, I realised that I was running with my head up and my abs were pulled in and my shoulders down. I did catch myself slouching in one of the later runs and corrected my posture immediately. Since that was the only time however, I am pretty damn pleased with myself.
I also caught myself selling myself short. The goal is to be able to jog around the course for Race for Life. I told myself today however, that that wasn't going to happen and that I may have to console myself to walk-jog. It is all too easy to fall into a negative way of thinking and think that you are not as good as others.
I then immediately made a list of what I have achieved so far:
- I am actually out running
- I haven't needed my inhaler
- My posture has improved
- I feel less stressed
- My diet has improved
- I have lost weight
- I am outside getting vitamin D
- I am outside getting sunlight to help stave off my S.A.D.
- I have recognised the running as part of a long-term lifestyle change
- I am taking responsibility in preventing health complications caused by obesity i.e. diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure....
- I am helping to raise much-needed funds in order to help fight cancer
- I am showing myself that I can exercise and enjoy it and that I am worth more than I have believed previously.
With regards to my diet, I have to say that I love Slimming World. I remember when I did Weight Watchers and I had to count everything! I couldn't even reach for an apple without calculating whether or not I could have it. No wonder I didn't stick with the diet!
This weekend, I wasn't a saint; I had a burger when I was out with my Dad. Originally I wasn't going to but he said that I have to treat myself occasionally and that protein is important. Obviously I know about protein, I was more concerned about the greasy fat and undoing all my hard work. Slimming World does have a Food Directory and I knew from that, that the 'healthiest' (and I use that term loosely) thing that you can have from McDonalds is a beefburger. So that is what I went for....with onions. It actually didn't taste of anything. All of the taste came from the onions. Still, the protein would have been used by my muscles and I am learning to include the things that I like in moderation. I went over in syns due to also eating a roast dinner later on but as I hadn't used all of my syns for the other days, I actually only went over by 2. So yeh. I have lost another two lbs over the weekend. Go me!
Although I have decided that I shall tell my Dad of my weight loss, I am not telling my Mum. She goes really funny about it and starts plying me with fatty stuff. I hate it and so I am not telling her. She may very well notice at some point but I shall cross that bridge when I come to it.
2lbs in 2 days
18th May 2012
Today was my second run back and I knew from experience that it
wouldn't feel as good as my first. I have felt really good since
Wednesday however, as straight away I was standing straighter, I could
feel my thigh muscles (so knew that they had been engaged when
exercising) and my abs were hurting slightly.
I have also been sticking to Slimming World with a vengeance - not even going over by 1 syn is allowed. Yesterday really tested my resolve as I had a 'Weight Watchers Chicken Hotpot' which was 6 syns, giving me 9 syns leftover. Trying to find a meal to fit into that was actually quite difficult. It would have been so easy to just go 'oh sod it' but I persevered and found a receipe for 'Cheesy Broccoli and Penne Bake' (at no syns!) with tomatoes, garlic, cottage cheese and onion. I also read in my Food Directory book that Tesco Finest Chunky Chips are only 4 syns for the whole box (I didn't eat them all btw, I shared with my mum). The receipe was enough for four people and even a quarter serving was huge! The weird thing however, was that after eating, I felt really hungry. I drank some water and waited for it to pass but I found this a bit odd and put it down to the exercise causing my body to burn fuel more quickly. This morning, I still felt a little odd but got up for my run anyway as I thought that it may make me feel better (which it did). I decided to weigh myself and found that I have lost 2lbs since Wednesday!
My run was also very good; I completed all runs, kept my head up, kept my posture in check and kept up my pace. It was hard to start off with but I knew that I had to keep going otherwise I would psych myself out and start to form a bad habit. Usually I take the weekends off but I would like to start the next week of the programme on Monday, so am considering going for a run on Sunday in order to finish off week 1. I imagine that this will make Monday a challenge but I have limited time until 'Race for Life'.
I also have to keep an eye on my weight loss as I know that Doctors recommend a weight-loss of only 2lbs a week. I intend to eat more fruit and veg (with every meal if possible) and will be re-thinking my breakfast as I seem to have gone off toast. I guess that I need to be sensible about it and listen to my body.
I have also been sticking to Slimming World with a vengeance - not even going over by 1 syn is allowed. Yesterday really tested my resolve as I had a 'Weight Watchers Chicken Hotpot' which was 6 syns, giving me 9 syns leftover. Trying to find a meal to fit into that was actually quite difficult. It would have been so easy to just go 'oh sod it' but I persevered and found a receipe for 'Cheesy Broccoli and Penne Bake' (at no syns!) with tomatoes, garlic, cottage cheese and onion. I also read in my Food Directory book that Tesco Finest Chunky Chips are only 4 syns for the whole box (I didn't eat them all btw, I shared with my mum). The receipe was enough for four people and even a quarter serving was huge! The weird thing however, was that after eating, I felt really hungry. I drank some water and waited for it to pass but I found this a bit odd and put it down to the exercise causing my body to burn fuel more quickly. This morning, I still felt a little odd but got up for my run anyway as I thought that it may make me feel better (which it did). I decided to weigh myself and found that I have lost 2lbs since Wednesday!
My run was also very good; I completed all runs, kept my head up, kept my posture in check and kept up my pace. It was hard to start off with but I knew that I had to keep going otherwise I would psych myself out and start to form a bad habit. Usually I take the weekends off but I would like to start the next week of the programme on Monday, so am considering going for a run on Sunday in order to finish off week 1. I imagine that this will make Monday a challenge but I have limited time until 'Race for Life'.
I also have to keep an eye on my weight loss as I know that Doctors recommend a weight-loss of only 2lbs a week. I intend to eat more fruit and veg (with every meal if possible) and will be re-thinking my breakfast as I seem to have gone off toast. I guess that I need to be sensible about it and listen to my body.
The gf of the marshmallow man
16th May 2012
Eureka! Hazzah! Yippee! I have finally got out running again! The bad weather is over (I've run in rain before, but never in El Nino) and my knee is no longer hurting.
My time however, has not been completely wasted; I bought a book on running anatomy so that I can identify which muscles need to be strengthened to prevent/treat an injury, I have been using my Kettlebell DVD and I have been following Slimming World. No weight lost however. Go figure.
My weight I have spoken about before - about how there was an initial unexplained weight-gain followed by depression about my weight which caused me to comfort-eat (ironic, I know) and then the crash dieting and now my current position. I am still not convinced however that I do not have a thyroid problem. I checked out the symptoms on-line and I have the following:
Anyway. It's only about 8 weeks away from 'Race for Life'. I have so far, raised £95! I am aiming to jog around the whole course but will settle for half-hour of jogging and then some walking if that is what I can manage.
The run back out was not as bad as I thought that it would be:
Eureka! Hazzah! Yippee! I have finally got out running again! The bad weather is over (I've run in rain before, but never in El Nino) and my knee is no longer hurting.
My time however, has not been completely wasted; I bought a book on running anatomy so that I can identify which muscles need to be strengthened to prevent/treat an injury, I have been using my Kettlebell DVD and I have been following Slimming World. No weight lost however. Go figure.
My weight I have spoken about before - about how there was an initial unexplained weight-gain followed by depression about my weight which caused me to comfort-eat (ironic, I know) and then the crash dieting and now my current position. I am still not convinced however that I do not have a thyroid problem. I checked out the symptoms on-line and I have the following:
- Feeling cold (I have to sit wrapped in a blanket even when I am wearing a hoodie and the central heating is on. This continues even when the fire is lit and the thermometer states that it is 26C)
- Weight Gain (duh!)
- Depression (had it)
- Dry Skin and hair (the skin, yes definitely. The hair, no as I really look after it).
Anyway. It's only about 8 weeks away from 'Race for Life'. I have so far, raised £95! I am aiming to jog around the whole course but will settle for half-hour of jogging and then some walking if that is what I can manage.
The run back out was not as bad as I thought that it would be:
- Gone is the UV-day-glow-orange running-jacket. With the sun comes a lighter jacket....in blue! So now, I am no longer the UV-day-glow-orange girlfriend of Marshmallow man. Now I am the light-blue-running-jacket-girlfriend of the Marshmallow man. Yay to me for moving up in the world!
- I didn't expect my first run back to be a breeze and boy, it wasn't! I stopped about 3-seconds before the end of two runs, ran for only 5-seconds on another and then finished about 10-seconds before the end of my very last run. All in all, it actually wasn't bad.
- My bad habits have come back in the form of slouching and hunching. Once I realised, I made a conscious effort to rectify this.
- My speed has increased! I know that people say that you should stick to a light jog and not over-exert yourself and yes, whilst this is indeed true, I couldn't help thinking that running as slow as I was, was as detrimental to my progress as running too fast. It's kind of hard to explain but I figured that a lot of my energy was going into taking small steps and that this wasn't allowing my muscles to work against the resistance of the pavement and strengthen up. I decided that I would jog at a pace that felt natural to me and see if I could keep to up. Which I could. Go me.
Lazy. Git.
23rd April 2012
Yep, that's me. Lazy Git. I say I'm a lazy git because I haven't been
running for a while. To begin with, it was a genuine reason as I was
suffering from 'runner's knee' which is where your butt muscles are too
weak and so your I.B.T. muscles work harder to compensate. I went on a
runner's forum and they advised me as to what stretches I should be
doing to prevent it in future and they advised that I take at least
three weeks off. Well, it's been longer than three weeks. I have been
doing my kettlebell exercises though in order to strengthen my butt
muscles, but considering I have a 5k event in July, I have been really
lax.
I have been saying to myself that I need to get back out there but just haven't done it and I don't know why. I ran in ice (and slipped on it) and I have run in the rain and the freezing cold, so there really is no excuse. I think that I'm kinda going into denial a bit which is what I did for my exams (all of them). I have announced to my mum though that I am going running again tomorrow, so there's no backing out. I genuinely intend to get out there and run. I'm also due to go on holiday soon and plan to run there. I just need to check out running routes on Google maps.
I'm really hoping that my fitness hasn't stopped so much that I basically have to start again. I'll do the first weeks plan again as a marker and to get back into it. It may be that it's not as bad as I think and that actually the break will have made all the difference. Either way, I shall be running Monday, Wednesday and Friday with kettlebell on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday and stretches after each run. Hopefully, this shall actually make me lose weight as I haven't lost any despite keeping a food diary (a completely honest one) and following Slimming World.
Anyhoo. Here's to tomorrow....hope it's not raining.
I have been saying to myself that I need to get back out there but just haven't done it and I don't know why. I ran in ice (and slipped on it) and I have run in the rain and the freezing cold, so there really is no excuse. I think that I'm kinda going into denial a bit which is what I did for my exams (all of them). I have announced to my mum though that I am going running again tomorrow, so there's no backing out. I genuinely intend to get out there and run. I'm also due to go on holiday soon and plan to run there. I just need to check out running routes on Google maps.
I'm really hoping that my fitness hasn't stopped so much that I basically have to start again. I'll do the first weeks plan again as a marker and to get back into it. It may be that it's not as bad as I think and that actually the break will have made all the difference. Either way, I shall be running Monday, Wednesday and Friday with kettlebell on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday and stretches after each run. Hopefully, this shall actually make me lose weight as I haven't lost any despite keeping a food diary (a completely honest one) and following Slimming World.
Anyhoo. Here's to tomorrow....hope it's not raining.
Exercise and tattoos
16th April 2012
So it's been two days since Lewey died and there have been more tearful moments. I cried myself to sleep last night and actually surprised myself a bit. Usually I am a silent and private crier but last night I was overcome with great wracking sobs. I really do miss him and I almost cried again when I wrapped myself in my pink blanket. Usually Lewey would then climb straight on and settle straight down and of course now he will never do that again.
I am planning on getting a memorial tattoo of him on my left inner-forearm. I want him with my forever and this is the closest I can get. I know that I shall see him again but it's still too far away.
His death has also taught me that we really should live life to the full. He got an extra year after having radical surgery last year and he spent it doing all of the things that he loved. Namely eating, sleeping, purring, sleeping, eating and more sleeping! He was always really affectionate and never held it against me when I gave him some really bitter tasting opium-based painkillers. I did tell him at the time that it was for his own good and that I was making him take them because I loved him and I genuinely think that he understood.
I don't know if you have read my previous entries but I am seriously over-weight and it has stopped me from doing a lot of things. That is to say, that I have stopped myself from doing a lot of things because of my weight. Weirdly, when you're fat, you use it as a shield and you want to be invisible, but it is at this point that you are anything but. There is no more time for excuses. I owe it to Lewey to get fit and healthy and live life to the full because you never know when life is going to throw you a curveball.
With this in mind, I resumed my kettlebell exercises. I wanted to go for a run but since I have weak glutes, I thought that I would do the kettlebell exercises for every day this week and really get some strength work in. I do not want to experience Runner's Knee again. Today I did two sections of the workout which works on your hips. glutes, lower-back, triceps and balance. Tomorrow is lunges. Oh yay. I thought that my fitness would be back to zero but it's actually not bad.
I'm also due to go on holiday in a few weeks and fully intend on taking my running stuff with me so that I can keep up with my training and go running with my sister. Slimming World has also come back into my life and I am feeling really good about it. I think that Lewey's death has flicked a switch and I am now committed to making permanent and sustainable changes in my life, instead of quick and unrealistic fixes.
So it's been two days since Lewey died and there have been more tearful moments. I cried myself to sleep last night and actually surprised myself a bit. Usually I am a silent and private crier but last night I was overcome with great wracking sobs. I really do miss him and I almost cried again when I wrapped myself in my pink blanket. Usually Lewey would then climb straight on and settle straight down and of course now he will never do that again.
I am planning on getting a memorial tattoo of him on my left inner-forearm. I want him with my forever and this is the closest I can get. I know that I shall see him again but it's still too far away.
His death has also taught me that we really should live life to the full. He got an extra year after having radical surgery last year and he spent it doing all of the things that he loved. Namely eating, sleeping, purring, sleeping, eating and more sleeping! He was always really affectionate and never held it against me when I gave him some really bitter tasting opium-based painkillers. I did tell him at the time that it was for his own good and that I was making him take them because I loved him and I genuinely think that he understood.
I don't know if you have read my previous entries but I am seriously over-weight and it has stopped me from doing a lot of things. That is to say, that I have stopped myself from doing a lot of things because of my weight. Weirdly, when you're fat, you use it as a shield and you want to be invisible, but it is at this point that you are anything but. There is no more time for excuses. I owe it to Lewey to get fit and healthy and live life to the full because you never know when life is going to throw you a curveball.
With this in mind, I resumed my kettlebell exercises. I wanted to go for a run but since I have weak glutes, I thought that I would do the kettlebell exercises for every day this week and really get some strength work in. I do not want to experience Runner's Knee again. Today I did two sections of the workout which works on your hips. glutes, lower-back, triceps and balance. Tomorrow is lunges. Oh yay. I thought that my fitness would be back to zero but it's actually not bad.
I'm also due to go on holiday in a few weeks and fully intend on taking my running stuff with me so that I can keep up with my training and go running with my sister. Slimming World has also come back into my life and I am feeling really good about it. I think that Lewey's death has flicked a switch and I am now committed to making permanent and sustainable changes in my life, instead of quick and unrealistic fixes.
Night, night my little Lewey
14th April 2012
So a few weeks ago I wrote about how my cat had been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
Well last night, he was on my lap licking his foot and my leg was wet. Lewey normally ends up licking my jeans at the same time as his foot, so I wasn't overly concerned. A few minutes later however, I realised that my leg was a lot more wet than usual and I saw that there was a liquid dripping out of his cancerous tumour. There was no obvious cut or anything and after calling the vet for advice, they said that it could be that the pressure was causing the liquid to seep through his skin and that they would see him tomorrow.
After going to the vet today, they offered antibiotics but it was clear that it was pointless. We didn't want him to suffer and he's been through enough. Antibiotics would not have prevented what was happening and would be hopelessly fighting the inevitable. So the decision was made to put him to sleep and he died in my arms. I have never seen my Dad cry before (not even when Grandad died) but he was in floods of tears. When we got home, we all held Lewey on our laps and I thought that Dad wouldn't want to do this but he did.
Lewey wasn't a cat to me, he was a firm member of our family for 13-years and my best friend. He was always the sweetest thing; never bit or scratched and never complained. His love was constant and unconditional. He truly is a pure soul. I really miss him deeply and the house feels completely empty without him. I believe that when a living being dies, that it is not the end. I don't see how it could be. I know that I shall be with him again soon but I wish that we never had to be seperated in the first place.
I love you, Lewey and will love you always. Sweet dreams x
So a few weeks ago I wrote about how my cat had been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
Well last night, he was on my lap licking his foot and my leg was wet. Lewey normally ends up licking my jeans at the same time as his foot, so I wasn't overly concerned. A few minutes later however, I realised that my leg was a lot more wet than usual and I saw that there was a liquid dripping out of his cancerous tumour. There was no obvious cut or anything and after calling the vet for advice, they said that it could be that the pressure was causing the liquid to seep through his skin and that they would see him tomorrow.
After going to the vet today, they offered antibiotics but it was clear that it was pointless. We didn't want him to suffer and he's been through enough. Antibiotics would not have prevented what was happening and would be hopelessly fighting the inevitable. So the decision was made to put him to sleep and he died in my arms. I have never seen my Dad cry before (not even when Grandad died) but he was in floods of tears. When we got home, we all held Lewey on our laps and I thought that Dad wouldn't want to do this but he did.
Lewey wasn't a cat to me, he was a firm member of our family for 13-years and my best friend. He was always the sweetest thing; never bit or scratched and never complained. His love was constant and unconditional. He truly is a pure soul. I really miss him deeply and the house feels completely empty without him. I believe that when a living being dies, that it is not the end. I don't see how it could be. I know that I shall be with him again soon but I wish that we never had to be seperated in the first place.
I love you, Lewey and will love you always. Sweet dreams x
The hill of pain
26th March 2012
Well, the last three weeks have felt like a load of big nothing but actually haven't been wasted.
As mentioned in my previous posts, I have had some trouble with my knees, mainly that they felt really tight and then they started feeling really weak. I took two weeks out to rest my knees and I was doing kettlebell workouts to strengthen them. This seems to have worked somewhat but I am going to do another week to really get my supporting muscles stronger.
Despite feeling like I have done some 'non-exercising', I went to the Elan Valley on Saturday and Mum had wanted to go on a walk. She is really into the Dambusters and there is a dam that they used for practice, so she wanted to see it. The walk was supposed to be easy and was three miles long. Easy, my arse! We had to cross a stile which was so goddamn high up that Dad had to help me. Then we had to climb a really steep hill that was at an elevation of about 600 feet. It may not sound like much to some of you but to me, it was agony. I was told by other people who were there that I was brave and that even some people in the Territorial Army couldn't get to the top. Well kiss my arse T.A. because I got to the top on sheer stubborness and considering that I am so overweight that I am carrying the weight of an extra person, I was bloody pleased with myself. Just because I am fat, do not underestimate me.
Anyway, basically I am feeling so much more invigorated, determined and focussed. I don't know what has happened but I seem to have reached a point where I am willing to give everything my all and really make it happen.
I can honestly say that I am really happy at the moment.
As mentioned in my previous posts, I have had some trouble with my knees, mainly that they felt really tight and then they started feeling really weak. I took two weeks out to rest my knees and I was doing kettlebell workouts to strengthen them. This seems to have worked somewhat but I am going to do another week to really get my supporting muscles stronger.
Despite feeling like I have done some 'non-exercising', I went to the Elan Valley on Saturday and Mum had wanted to go on a walk. She is really into the Dambusters and there is a dam that they used for practice, so she wanted to see it. The walk was supposed to be easy and was three miles long. Easy, my arse! We had to cross a stile which was so goddamn high up that Dad had to help me. Then we had to climb a really steep hill that was at an elevation of about 600 feet. It may not sound like much to some of you but to me, it was agony. I was told by other people who were there that I was brave and that even some people in the Territorial Army couldn't get to the top. Well kiss my arse T.A. because I got to the top on sheer stubborness and considering that I am so overweight that I am carrying the weight of an extra person, I was bloody pleased with myself. Just because I am fat, do not underestimate me.
Anyway, basically I am feeling so much more invigorated, determined and focussed. I don't know what has happened but I seem to have reached a point where I am willing to give everything my all and really make it happen.
I can honestly say that I am really happy at the moment.
I have to suck it up
6th March 2012
Since writing the previous entry, I started my week 3 run and found
that my knee problem hasn't got worse but it is...different. Week 3
involves running for a lot longer and I finished the first day, even
though I did find it hard work. My knee had been feeling tight when I
bent it but felt fine straightened out. When running, I could feel the
tightness in my knee but there was no pain. Fast forward to Wednesday
and I couldn't finish any of the runs. My knees felt sooo tight and it
just felt all wrong. I was pretty pissed that I didn't finish but whilst
on my walk back, I did develop a bit of a limp. On Sunday, I did a bit
of walking around town and instead of feeling tight, my knees felt weak.
I think that I may be a bit lopsided when I run and that I need to work
on strengthening my lower body. I've read that if your butt muscles
aren't very strong, then your body can't stabilist effectively and it
puts extra strain on other muscles. I have taken this week off and I
have been doingm my kettle bell and Tracey Anderson DVDs. If I have to
take another week off, then I shall. I need to make sure that I don't do
more damage and put myself out of action for months instead of weeks.
On a more personal note, I really need to suck it up. I am 26 and still living at home. I am unemployed and spend money as soon as I get it. I have always done this and I hate it (regarding money, not being unemployed)! I am training to be a Legal Secretary and I was planning on finishing my course before getting a job but still being at home when I'm 26! I feel really pathetic and like I haven't really started. I've decided that I'm going to look for jobs and fit my studying around it. Single mums and dads have to do it, so I can too. Life can be hectic and sometimes the easy option seems like the best but is it really? How much satisfaction can you get from working all hours towards your goal, finally achieveing it and being able to say: "Yeh, all the sweat, blood and tears was totally worth it".
On a more personal note, I really need to suck it up. I am 26 and still living at home. I am unemployed and spend money as soon as I get it. I have always done this and I hate it (regarding money, not being unemployed)! I am training to be a Legal Secretary and I was planning on finishing my course before getting a job but still being at home when I'm 26! I feel really pathetic and like I haven't really started. I've decided that I'm going to look for jobs and fit my studying around it. Single mums and dads have to do it, so I can too. Life can be hectic and sometimes the easy option seems like the best but is it really? How much satisfaction can you get from working all hours towards your goal, finally achieveing it and being able to say: "Yeh, all the sweat, blood and tears was totally worth it".
Owwwwwww!
26th February 2012
My Friday run got off without a hitch, although for the rest of the
day I did think 'ooo, I'm gonna hurt tomorrow'. Nope! Although the back
of my knee is quite tight today. Had quite a few people staring at me as
well, as my face goes very red when I exercise and when you combine
that with a flourescent orange jacket....well, I can understand the
stares. Although I am just making a fashion statement.
Week 3 starts on Monday, which is good. I also got my race pack from Cancer Research, Saturday. I am number 69. Nice.
I've also stumbled upon the age-old problem which I mentioned in an earlier post. That is, trying to find sportswear that actually fits. We're all encouraged to exercise (especially if you're big) but they (the companies) never make decent/any clothes that are in my size. I've had to look at menswear and hopefully I can find something that won't make me look too butch. I'm ideally after a new running jacket as summer is approaching and I think that my current jacket will be too hot. I may have found one, I just need to wait until pay day and then (fingers crossed) it is still in stock.
Curvissa (a plus-size company) does a pair of walking trousers which would be good for later on in the year, as I plan to go hiking to compliment my running training.
Got sponsored for £10 the other day which is cool. Getting closer to my target now!
Week 3 starts on Monday, which is good. I also got my race pack from Cancer Research, Saturday. I am number 69. Nice.
I've also stumbled upon the age-old problem which I mentioned in an earlier post. That is, trying to find sportswear that actually fits. We're all encouraged to exercise (especially if you're big) but they (the companies) never make decent/any clothes that are in my size. I've had to look at menswear and hopefully I can find something that won't make me look too butch. I'm ideally after a new running jacket as summer is approaching and I think that my current jacket will be too hot. I may have found one, I just need to wait until pay day and then (fingers crossed) it is still in stock.
Curvissa (a plus-size company) does a pair of walking trousers which would be good for later on in the year, as I plan to go hiking to compliment my running training.
Got sponsored for £10 the other day which is cool. Getting closer to my target now!
Another small victory for me; Hazzah!
20th February 2012
Well, the weather has turned for the better. We had a bit of snow but that didn't interfere with my running as I've been nothing but a lazy bitch for the past two weeks. Week 1 of my laziness ended with me foregoing my first run of Week 2, as my cat was ill, had lost a lot of weight and was cold to the touch. As you'll know from an earlier post, he has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and I really thought that this was it. A run probably would have made me feel marginally better but I couldn't bear to be away from him even if only for an hour. It turns out that he has a bug and an anitbiotic and vitamin injection has set him to rights. The little bugger is now asleep under my bed. So that was Friday.
The weekends I don't run away so fast forward to Monday. This was the last day of my monthly visitor and I have to say that it was more bearable than it normally is. I know that exercise is supposed to make it easier to deal with but this has never been true in the past. Maybe running is the exercise that offers the most physical benefits? Either way, I was pleased that I wasn't tired and shaky that I normally was and probably could have gone for a run....but I didn't. I then came down with another cold, which wasn't too bad, but then how can you breathe with a bunged-up nose?
Fast forward to the following Monday and I was too lazy to go, Tuesday I was in London all day, Wednesday I was knackered from being on my feet for all of Tuesday, Thursday I don't run, Friday I couldn't be arsed and I don't run on weekends.
So as you can see, I don't really have an excuse, I was just bloody bone-idle.
I knew that I had to get back into running asap though and I found that I missed it in a way (I know, I can't believe I just said that either!). It is slowly becoming a part of my normal routine. I still haven't lost any weight though and after talking to my sister, she thinks that it's the protein shake that I have after every run. I thought that due to the strain I am putting my body under considering my weight, that a protein shake would be a good idea in order to help my body recover. I had read on the internet that this was a good idea and that it could actually help with weight-loss. My sister, on the other hand, says that this is not true and that I should stop drinking it. I originally planned to finish the protein shakes and then concentrate on weight-loss but to be honest, my priority is weight-loss over exercise. I really want to be slim and deserve to be so, and for that reason, I will forgo the shakes for 1 month and see what a difference this makes (if any).
As with my running programme - today was day 1 of week 2, which requires 90 seconds of running with 2 minutes of walking for 20 minutes....and I finished the whole bloody thing and didn't stop once! I know that this probably sounds like nothing to you but for me, it is a big deal and I am amazed at how far I have come. I'm still not the fastest runner and I still keep putting my head down, but considering I couldn't even run for 30 seconds and my asthma was a problem when I first started, this is a big achievement for me! I actually can't wait for week 3 (I know, I can't believe that I just said that either!).
I have also had a nice surprise from one of the readers of my sister's blog - they've sponsored me £20 for Race for Life! Someone I have never met, has sponsored me. Amazing! Especially considering how none of my friends have sponsored me, including a girl who was shaving her head and cycling from London to Paris with her wife. I sponsored them both £2.50 for each event but did they sponsor me? No! I wasn't expecting much but to return the gesture (personally) I don't think was too much to ask. I shall remember this. The cousin who was also supposed to run the London Marathon but didn't (which we all knew would happen anyway. 5-weeks before the event, she had only run 2-miles!), also hasn't sponsored me. I shall remember this.
Anyway, I don't want to leave this entry a bit annoyed so I shall once again focus on my achievements and how I feel really good this morning. Time for a hot shower, a cup of hot tea and some perving of some major TV hotties as a reward.
UPDATE:
This is something that I really need to get off my chest and is something that has also been noticed by my sister - that is, that my Mum is trying to sabotage all of my plans.
This has been going on for a while but I didn't realise how big a problem it is...or rather, how conscious a decision it is.
Whenever I tell my parents that I'm going on a diet, Dad is supportive but Mum doesn't say anything. She will then buy stuff such as teacakes (the biscuit, chocolate and marshmallow kind) or a bar of Dairy Milk 'for you' etc. I thought that she had just forgotten that I was on a diet and so didn't think anything of it but then this keeps happening alot. I eventually mentioned to my sister about this and she said that Mum does the same thing to her. Mum is by no means slim herself. She lost alot of weight on the GI diet and was looking really good. For the past 6-months however, her snacking has really got out of control and her diet is unhealthy. The weight has gone back on to the extent that she is the biggest I have seen her. All of the weight goes onto her belly and to be honest, she looks pregnant. She obviously doesn't think that she has a problem however, as she is still able to get into her size 18 jeans. The problem is, those jeans give her two bellies, they are so tight! She has also said that she finds it hard to do up her shoes and that it hurts. Why then, if she is suffering health problems because of her weight, does she attempt to keep me fat?! The other day, she brought in a packet of Fox's chocolate-chip biscuits, which she knows I absolutely love. She opened the packet and started eating one as she walked in from the kitchen. Although she didn't offer me one, I got the impression that the whole action had been for my benefit. You know when you just know that? I don't appreciate it. I've already told her a few times before to stop buying me stuff like that but it's in one ear and out the other. I used to think that it was a subconscious thing but now I think that she is actually doing it deliberately. Is she really so insecure? Can she not just be happy for me and supportive? Don't get me wrong, I love my Mum and in everything else, she has always been so supportive but why does she do this? Has anyone else ever experienced this? How did you overcome it/deal with it?
Oh yeh, and just to piss me off all the more, I've got another sodding cold.
"A
dream is your creative vision for your life in the future. A goal is
what you specifically intend to make happen. Dreams and Goals should be
just out of your present reach, but not out of sight. Dreams &
Goals are coming attractions into your life." Campbell
Well, the weather has turned for the better. We had a bit of snow but that didn't interfere with my running as I've been nothing but a lazy bitch for the past two weeks. Week 1 of my laziness ended with me foregoing my first run of Week 2, as my cat was ill, had lost a lot of weight and was cold to the touch. As you'll know from an earlier post, he has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and I really thought that this was it. A run probably would have made me feel marginally better but I couldn't bear to be away from him even if only for an hour. It turns out that he has a bug and an anitbiotic and vitamin injection has set him to rights. The little bugger is now asleep under my bed. So that was Friday.
The weekends I don't run away so fast forward to Monday. This was the last day of my monthly visitor and I have to say that it was more bearable than it normally is. I know that exercise is supposed to make it easier to deal with but this has never been true in the past. Maybe running is the exercise that offers the most physical benefits? Either way, I was pleased that I wasn't tired and shaky that I normally was and probably could have gone for a run....but I didn't. I then came down with another cold, which wasn't too bad, but then how can you breathe with a bunged-up nose?
Fast forward to the following Monday and I was too lazy to go, Tuesday I was in London all day, Wednesday I was knackered from being on my feet for all of Tuesday, Thursday I don't run, Friday I couldn't be arsed and I don't run on weekends.
So as you can see, I don't really have an excuse, I was just bloody bone-idle.
I knew that I had to get back into running asap though and I found that I missed it in a way (I know, I can't believe I just said that either!). It is slowly becoming a part of my normal routine. I still haven't lost any weight though and after talking to my sister, she thinks that it's the protein shake that I have after every run. I thought that due to the strain I am putting my body under considering my weight, that a protein shake would be a good idea in order to help my body recover. I had read on the internet that this was a good idea and that it could actually help with weight-loss. My sister, on the other hand, says that this is not true and that I should stop drinking it. I originally planned to finish the protein shakes and then concentrate on weight-loss but to be honest, my priority is weight-loss over exercise. I really want to be slim and deserve to be so, and for that reason, I will forgo the shakes for 1 month and see what a difference this makes (if any).
As with my running programme - today was day 1 of week 2, which requires 90 seconds of running with 2 minutes of walking for 20 minutes....and I finished the whole bloody thing and didn't stop once! I know that this probably sounds like nothing to you but for me, it is a big deal and I am amazed at how far I have come. I'm still not the fastest runner and I still keep putting my head down, but considering I couldn't even run for 30 seconds and my asthma was a problem when I first started, this is a big achievement for me! I actually can't wait for week 3 (I know, I can't believe that I just said that either!).
I have also had a nice surprise from one of the readers of my sister's blog - they've sponsored me £20 for Race for Life! Someone I have never met, has sponsored me. Amazing! Especially considering how none of my friends have sponsored me, including a girl who was shaving her head and cycling from London to Paris with her wife. I sponsored them both £2.50 for each event but did they sponsor me? No! I wasn't expecting much but to return the gesture (personally) I don't think was too much to ask. I shall remember this. The cousin who was also supposed to run the London Marathon but didn't (which we all knew would happen anyway. 5-weeks before the event, she had only run 2-miles!), also hasn't sponsored me. I shall remember this.
Anyway, I don't want to leave this entry a bit annoyed so I shall once again focus on my achievements and how I feel really good this morning. Time for a hot shower, a cup of hot tea and some perving of some major TV hotties as a reward.
UPDATE:
This is something that I really need to get off my chest and is something that has also been noticed by my sister - that is, that my Mum is trying to sabotage all of my plans.
This has been going on for a while but I didn't realise how big a problem it is...or rather, how conscious a decision it is.
Whenever I tell my parents that I'm going on a diet, Dad is supportive but Mum doesn't say anything. She will then buy stuff such as teacakes (the biscuit, chocolate and marshmallow kind) or a bar of Dairy Milk 'for you' etc. I thought that she had just forgotten that I was on a diet and so didn't think anything of it but then this keeps happening alot. I eventually mentioned to my sister about this and she said that Mum does the same thing to her. Mum is by no means slim herself. She lost alot of weight on the GI diet and was looking really good. For the past 6-months however, her snacking has really got out of control and her diet is unhealthy. The weight has gone back on to the extent that she is the biggest I have seen her. All of the weight goes onto her belly and to be honest, she looks pregnant. She obviously doesn't think that she has a problem however, as she is still able to get into her size 18 jeans. The problem is, those jeans give her two bellies, they are so tight! She has also said that she finds it hard to do up her shoes and that it hurts. Why then, if she is suffering health problems because of her weight, does she attempt to keep me fat?! The other day, she brought in a packet of Fox's chocolate-chip biscuits, which she knows I absolutely love. She opened the packet and started eating one as she walked in from the kitchen. Although she didn't offer me one, I got the impression that the whole action had been for my benefit. You know when you just know that? I don't appreciate it. I've already told her a few times before to stop buying me stuff like that but it's in one ear and out the other. I used to think that it was a subconscious thing but now I think that she is actually doing it deliberately. Is she really so insecure? Can she not just be happy for me and supportive? Don't get me wrong, I love my Mum and in everything else, she has always been so supportive but why does she do this? Has anyone else ever experienced this? How did you overcome it/deal with it?
Oh yeh, and just to piss me off all the more, I've got another sodding cold.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)